THE PHOENIX RISING

WTF HAPPENED?

2012-02-02T14:19:00.000-05:00

Isn't it remarkable ~ Richard Dawkins

2012-02-01T15:14:00.003-05:00

I am an Atheist

2012-02-01T14:59:00.001-05:00

Religion never hurt anyone

2012-02-01T14:47:00.000-05:00

The real housewives of Kabul

2012-02-01T14:44:00.002-05:00

Jesus loves all the little children

2012-02-01T14:40:00.001-05:00

Can I get another jobie-job already

2012-01-30T13:45:00.000-05:00

I've been sending out resumes like a mad man. I'm not getting any call backs or emails. I'm going to have to eliminate my college experience. I'm looking for a temporary job. When you go for a shit job these days you might as well look like you have nothing going for you. I couldn't come up with the money for college this term. I have five classes to go. I need a second job just in case I am denied grant money once again for the summer and fall term.

I don't want to work two jobs but you have to do what you have to do. I was working two jobs up to October 2011. I get to my second job to only see they are shutting down shop. No warning. Just rumors. I thought I had time. I started feeling the penny pinch around the new year. My other job is second shift. In a few I am going to fill out an application for a 6 am to 2 pm job. I hope I get it even though I will be shit tired and miserable. I know I will.

Moral of the story is go to college right after High School. Don't get caught up with the wrong person or crowd. Certainly don't marry that person. Get your shit in line by focusing on your life first. Unless your last name is Gates you can't afford dead weights dragging you down. If I would have done it the right way I would not be in this mess. I learned it's easier to have the vigor of youth when you're a little older than the wisdom of age when you're a lot younger.

Atheists are evil!!

2012-01-30T11:31:00.003-05:00

Make them pay!!

2012-01-30T11:28:00.006-05:00

Why even televise this - oh for more money, doh!

2012-01-29T20:08:00.004-05:00

I have not watched a NFL pro-bowl in a long time. I was always working. Today I'm off. They really should just end this Pro-bowl crap. These guys are lolly gagging. It's not entertaining at all. They are all afraid of getting hurt, losing out on millions and ending their careers short. Can you blame them? It all the league leaders from different teams in passing, rushing, receiving, tackling, interceptions and sacks playing in a game that is meaningless. Watching the offensive line and defensive line is a joke. There is no passion to get to the quarterback. There is no passion to block. Both sides are placing hands on one another slow dancing. They are not doing anything. The tackling is nothing more than touch and fall. The running backs are going half speed. The linebackers are not tackling. The kick offs are lame. The ball keeps on going out of the end zone. They took away intentional grounding calls to protect the quarterback. They could at least place the kicker back at the old spot so the kick returners could run it back. They changed that spot this year. You rarely see a kick off return. It's all touch backs and out of end zone kicks.

They should replace it with a skills competition like the NHL has the day before their NHL all-star game. The people who paid to sit at this stadium are not getting their money's worth. I already changed the channel. It's disappointing to watch. I'm a huge fan of sports and this sucks. Specially this sport since I played it for many years. Watching 16 regular season games and playoff games of grind it out smash mouth full speed football makes watching this annoying.

Explain to me how this is going to work?

2012-01-28T15:33:00.002-05:00

Some guys are douches

2012-01-27T13:40:00.005-05:00

I step on the elevator at work. She steps on with me. There were some guys there doing some remodeling work. When I come back down one looks at me and asks how did it smell. I was confused. He goes the girl. The girl he speaks of is one who works for a match maker dating site. She's a nice girl. We often share the same bench to have a smoke. We always get to talking on just about anything. She has invited me over to a local place to have a couple drinks. Unfortunately I'm on the clock when she's off. I can't drink on the job. If I could I would be over there. On the side she does amateur modeling for hot rod magazines. She showed me her photos. She is lovely.

How did "it" smell? So we're labeling women as "it" now. The other guys started crowding around us. They had to put their vulgar two cents in. I wont say it. It's healthy and normal to notice a beautiful lady. There is nothing wrong with commenting about it. Did you see that women or she is lovely would be acceptable. More and more guys these days take it a bit too far. I can understand if she was wearing skimpy revealing clothing. If she was a stripper with her whole show in and on your face I understand. She's asking for those types of comments. This woman was dressed nice. Very classy. Very sexy. She has always acted like a lady in front of me.

Quit yer fibbing

2012-01-27T13:11:00.003-05:00

There is this coworker of mine. He says stuff that make you laugh. Not because he's funny. Only because you know he is fibbing.

A few weeks ago he told us that he was invited to a concert by Ice Cube to rap. He says he's a rapper trying to get a record deal. Prior to this he has said some off the wall stuff. We already had enough reason to doubt him. When he got back I asked to see some photos. He said his camera battery died. I asked how about his cell phone camera. That battery died. He went with a friend. I asked about his photos. They only brought the one camera. And wouldn't you know it his cell phone battery died as well. Even though he said he was invited he had to sneak in under a fence. He made up this story about this drunk girl and him. Enough said. Then he tells this story of their adventure back through two states with only 60 dollars for gas.

He is always talking about how many bitches he bangs. That's how he puts it. That's not my terminology. He always has stories of beating some guy up at a bar. He thinks he's a straight MMA fighter. He tells these stories of altercations he gets in with police. He makes himself out to be such a bad ass ladies man. The reality is probably more like he has sex with drunk passed out women, always gets beat up and gets in trouble with the police for being stupid.

This guy is the worst liar in history. He needs to work on this to become believable. This is the same coworker that I just blathered about that lost my keys and scan card.

Moral of the story - Do it yourself no matter what

2012-01-27T12:35:00.003-05:00

I was a little lazy last Friday night. It was a long day. I was beat. I was leaving work and didn't realize I still had my work keys and scan card in my pocket. I was on the first floor. I saw a coworker of mine and asked him to take it back up to the office. Sunday rolls around and I get this facebook message from another coworker. He said the security guard found my keys in the snow Friday night. The scan card is missing. The guard gave him the keys. I told him I gave my keys and card to so and so to put it back in the office. I was like what the hell?!

The coworker I gave my work keys took personal days for Monday and Tuesday. When I spoke to him on Wednesday he said he gave the keys to the security guard so they could get in the building. He told them to put the keys back in the office. The problem with that is they are not allowed in our office. My coworker told me it was the black security guard. Security has there own set of keys and scan cards. I went to ask the coworker who emailed me. He told me it was the white guard that relieved him that gave him the keys. I was like what the fuck?!

This is just crazy. It was a simple task. I was lazy. More like tired and wanting to get the hell out of dodge. I didn't want to go back up the elevator. The guy was going up as I was coming down. I did not think it was going to cause all these problems. I know this guy is not telling the truth. For whatever reason he just can't say yes I lost your keys. I'm sorry. When I was leaving last night he asked do you have a smoke for me. He bums cigarettes. I told him I was out. I had a full pack in my pocket. I just didn't have a cigarette for him. I have no respect for this guy.

I try very hard to live by this - I try!!

2012-01-25T23:35:00.000-05:00

Homosexuality is a sin!!

2012-01-25T12:29:00.001-05:00

If your God exists then your God creates homosexuals. Then he judges them for it. It says in your bible that man is not allowed to lay with man. Woman is not allowed to lay with woman. Like many other of his creations your God judges their flaws. We should question an all knowing and powerful God that creates faulty humans and then judges them for it. It's very asinine if you think about it. Your God's an ass.

I have a friend. Not a real close one. My childhood friends sister. She told me that she knew she was different at the age of five when her mother asked her if she wanted race car or barbie bed spread. In high school she wore her hat backwards. She wore sports jerseys. Her clothes were always too big. She never wore dresses or make-up. Always hung with guys. She is and was very much a butch lesbian. No one realized it back then.

Some people chose to be gay. Others are born that way. I do not see anything wrong with being gay. I'm not gay. I have no homosexual fantasies. Being gay does not mean you are less of a human being. It's not the devil or demons. It is not a sin. The greater sin if all that mumbo jumbo existed is to judge them on it. The bible says many things of what you should and shouldn't do. The bible is wrong. Be gay and proud.

Wow! What a lucky guy. Good for him!! =)~

2012-01-24T14:53:00.000-05:00

I do not believe in karma

2012-01-23T14:02:00.008-05:00

Truth does not always come out. Bad people get away with murder. Dishonest people find happiness. Liars are rarely caught. Cheaters find love. Poor friends find good friends. The greedy get more money. The honest people get screwed. Those who play by the rules lose the most. Sometimes the people who do you wrong will continue with no intervention other than you walking away or doing something about it. There are millions of examples of individuals who have gone through their entire lives without regard for anyone else on the planet. Causing pain, death and destruction without ever suffering for their actions. What goes around does not always come back around. What you put out into the world does not always come back to you. It could be good or bad. It's does not matter. That's the way it is. That's how the world works.

Karma is a replacement for religion for some people. I'm an atheist. I don't believe in Karma. You either make it or it breaks you. Life is what it is. I rather be told the truth about it then lied too. The lies have a funny way of messing with you once you realize it. There is no mystical all balancing force in the universe. Check out Karma is Bullshit (http://homepage.mac.com/yespinoza/pdf/bullshitofkarma.pdf) by Ari Dimitriades.

Here is a short story I found about karma. It's not broad. Just one example.

I have two friends who have done some bad things in their lives. I will discuss each.

The first cheats on the mother of his child about 5 times a week sometimes with 3 different girls per week. He is an on the road sales person who travels Monday through Friday screwing and fucking his way through the week until on Saturday he returns to put on his charade of being a loving husband/father for 2 days. Now prior to him getting this great paying sales job that lets him purchase things like Rolex's. He had a job in the post office where he made 19.00 an hour! Now he worked this post office job for about 2 months then said pretty much "eh fuck this I quit" LMFAO! Then a week later took this other job in sales. The second of my friends has scored a godly job working in the Caribbean. This guy has abused drugs his entire life and received 3 DWI's. So normally you would be serving an extensive sentence right? But nope out making big bucks and living in a tropical climate for him!

Meanwhile here I am with an extensive college background, no criminal record and I'm unemployed. Nor can I even find a girlfriend who is faithful. All that happens is me getting cheated on. For all those that say Karma is real I must take a moment and say to you...bullshit

With God anything is possible - pray

2012-01-23T12:15:00.020-05:00

This one is brought to you by religious people knocking on my door a few moments ago to preach me the good word.

The power of prayer, eh? Then there should be no homeless, hungry, poor, diseased, murdered, raped, handicapped, etc, etc because prayer works, right? God was just Tebowing but some elderly couple is losing their home and can't pay for their medication. Prayer works? Africa is still Africa. Prayer works? That child is dying of cancer while the drug dealer is living the high life. Prayer works? Etc, etc, etc, and etc. Prayer works? Go pray see what happens. Millions of people pray for changes but nothing occurs. There are people that are born into bad situations. Ones where your God put them their. If it is true your God has a plan for you then these people suffer for his amusement and glory. Why should they pray in hope God's fixes his mistakes? Why should they praise? Why should they be judged? They never asked to be here.

You can never go wrong with God because anything is possible? Nice saying sound great but actions speak louder and proof makes you a believer. The only thing that works is the power to trick and profit off of using fear and reward to control you into insanity and ignorance. Look around at the world. People pray every day. Nothing changes. Either your God is a deadbeat father or your God doesn't exist. What you say is not happening. Let me guess your God works in mysterious ways? There are things your God doesn't want us to know? I've learned religious sayings like that are made out of convenience. They have tons of these sayings. They never have answers. They do have bumper stickers, mouse pad covers, coffee mugs and t-shirts full of quotes. They say you have to have faith. Faith takes away your ability to reason. Faith should come from a good tack record of results.

Religion is getting old. It's an outdated concept with old world views. It's not relevant for educational purposes. Let's keep masochism, mental abuse and torture back in the dark ages where it belongs, ok? That's what it is. Religion does more harm that good. Religion is a health risk. Once you snap out of it it becomes a psychological mind fuck to deal with. The people who run it is just as bad. They have a free pass to say crazy off the wall statements. Your faith is a personal experience. That does not mean it is truth. The burden of proof is on you. Not the rest of us. We're not the ones making outrageous claims. It shouldn't be mainstream until proven otherwise. I get more hope out of a cool ranch Doritos then prayer. It fulfills me. Let Walt Disney be in charge of the fairy tales. Mickey Mouse exists because we seen him. God is just silly.

What if you're wrong? I ask the same question to them. I also asked what makes you think you are right. They said their faith. Their ignorance continues to mount.

Great White sharks are misunderstood - They're goofballs

2012-01-23T01:18:00.002-05:00

Hey little dick -The degrading of men by women

2012-01-22T13:06:00.018-05:00

On blogger you can check your stats. Your visitor count. Every week. Every month. All time. You can see what posts are viewed and how many times. You can also see the traffic sources of where these people come from that find your blog. I find it usually to be useless ads and web pages trying to sell you things. I don't know how this ties into your blog. I don't go to these sites. It's baseless for the most part.

This time I clicked on one of them. There is no reference to my blog at all. The first site I clicked on was called dailystrength.org. In that site it talked about this second site. It linked it to another one called pornreviews.com. But not your usual run of the litter type. It had a weird fetish. It's a subject men do not like to admit because it's downright demoralizing. It's one where a lot of women are insensitive about.

Hey Little Dick stars guys with small cocks that are "humiliated and milked by groups of beautiful girls". The site is relatively new and has some exciting content of the CFNM vein, but with its own twists and touches.

Hey Little Dick has a few things going on at once in every episode. There's the guy with the little dick, there's the two or more beautiful models that humiliate him, laugh at his small dick and play with it until he cums, there's the very hot handjobs they give and then there's the fact that the girls tend to keep at least most of their clothes on which makes these CFNM movies.

That's a few niches of porn mixed together, and in my mind a great recipe. These are very fun scenes with very erotic, tense atmospheres in them. There's something very hot about seeing multiple women being the predators in the sexual dance, the ones lusting for the cock and having fun being rude, openly turned on and playing with a man's small penis until he cums. A few scenes have the girls pulling down their tops to show their naked tits, but for the most part they keep all of their clothes on and stick to tugging, laughing and getting the guy to cum.

Hey Little Dick mixes its themes together very well and does a great job with casting. The reality/scenario-based scenes are well done, the girls know just what to say and how to say it to humiliate and turn on the men at the same time, and watching them toy with the man, mocking and pleasuring him in their strokes and laughs, is very satisfying. I think the site is more about the CFNM and humiliation aspects than particularly small dicks, and will please that group of viewers the most.

This is not right. No one can control their genetics. Unattractive or small penis it doesn't matter. Good looking or not. It still doesn't matter. People will still make fun of and judge you on the genetics that is not of your control. I was at a bachelor party a few years ago. In their bathroom they have this mural behind every urinal. It's two girls looking down. One goes oh my god look how small it is! The other one says he probably believes women who tell him size doesn't matter. I did smile at that. Could you imagine something like this in a female restroom? Women would have none of it. Out of the two sexes women are the most judgemental and shallow. They judge men on everything. What we look like. What we do. What we drive. How much money we have. How much we pay attention to them. How romantic we are. How sweet we should be. They want a guy they see in the movies or some magazine. We don't pay enough attention. Then we're also pigs. We're the insensitive ones. It's always our fault. We think with our penis. All we want is sex. All women want romanced. We just want to bang. We are always wrong.

Actually women think about penis more than guys. Size does matter. Women want treated nice by an attractive man with good sex but treated like a Princess at the same time. All guys know if they can be and do that the woman becomes hooked. Men want a freak in the sheets but a lady in the streets. Women want a sensitive guy with an edge. The misconception is women can't possibly be as perverted or want sex all the time like men. They do and they want it a lot. They happen to be much more picky about it. If your not average or well endowed you better hope she is not shallow and judgemental. The odds are not in the guys favor. There is a lot of pressure on men to be everything a woman wants in and out of bed. A women doesn't have to be successful. Men don't marry up. Women don't marry down. Men don't go around making fun if she has small breasts or a flat butt. Men are not all about looks. You see more overweight women with skinny men. You hardly see fat men with skinny women unless they are rich. How many times do you hear he left her because he was not happy? Not too much if any. You always hear she was not happy. All the pressure is on men to perform across the board. You have to be attractive and successful. But women will degrade men on everything.

My friend and I (she's a female) was talking one day about dating and requirements. She said something that made me respect her much more. She is really a cool person. I'm not saying this because what she said. She's a very open and honest woman. Her boyfriend is lucky to have her. She said most women want some perfect looking guy with money who will spoil them. Yet they don't want to be judged by on how they look. They call men shallow. That's a little hypocritical in my opinion. I don't do things to impress a guy. If I put on makeup I'm doing it to make myself feel good. It's not to make a guy want me. If you cant look at me with no makeup and think "wow she's beautiful" person as a whole then you don't deserve me. I prefer men to want me for my brains and personality rather than for my looks. I know I'm not ugly. I would never complain about how I look. Genetically I've had a pretty good hand dealt to me. But I don't want to be remembered as the girl who was hot. I want to be thought of as the girl who was smart, funny, great to be around, and could carry a conversation.

I hope no one thinks I'm some sexist because I'm not. I am for equality for both sexes. I long for day when a man can honestly look at a woman and appreciate what she has to offer on the inside as much as what she has on the outside. I hope beyond hope that there are actual ladies out there that can bother a man’s soul, bewitch his mind and bewilder his heart all while keeping their clothes on. There is nothing sexier than a well dressed educated woman that can show off her curves tastefully. A woman's place is not in the kitchen. I rather have a strong woman beside me instead of a shadow behind me. Every good man has a great woman in his life that makes him better. Every women that has a decent guy in her life will never be alone. It's the heart that makes a man rich. He's rich in according to what he is. Not according to what he has.

You don't have to look like a Prince or a Princess to find ones that act like them. That would be the real Disney unrealistic expectations.

I went to my local AA meeting last night

2012-01-21T14:36:00.002-05:00

Going on a cruise

2012-01-20T14:30:00.003-05:00

Three other guys and myself have decided to take in a cruise later this year. A bunch of volunteer fire fighters/one ex-navy around all thay water and no fire will drive us to drink. We are going to call it Hangover three. If you saw Hangover and Hangover two the movies you have the general idea.

Here is my problems about it so far.

1.) I hate the water. Ever since I saw Jaws when I was small boy I've been afraid of the ocean. I literally shit myself. That's my memory of it today. If I can't see to the bottom I'm not going in or on. I was dragged in the ocean one year. I was eight. We we're in Florida visiting my grandfather. Cool part was Disney World. Bad part was being forced in the ocean by my family and extended family. I guess I'll have to get over that real fast. I do like an adventure. Going from port to port experiencing new cultures would be fun. I do need a vacation. I have not had one is a long time. I need to see new scenery. Sandy beaches. Blue skies. Palm trees. Bikinis. Yes I need to see them. Oink-Oink!

2.) The money situation. I live paycheck to paycheck. I have bills out my ass. One of three just dropped down $1,000 to hold the reservation for all of us. He did it without double checking if we were all still in. If I don't go he'll be out $250. I'll pay him that $250. That's throwing away money on nothing. I have to come up with $1,500. That may not seem like much but I'm a blue collar worker. I lost my second job in October because they shut down. It was a weekend job. I'm starting to feel the penny pinch now. I've been putting out resume after resume for another one. I was going to college in the mornings but this term I was denied grant money. I'm five classes from a degree!!

I have six months. Barring any secret unknown bills or unforeseen circumstances I'm going. The good part is it's still January. I have more than enough time. I just got my income tax today. I will be filing my taxes in hopes I get a good return. The way this government works I'm not too confident in that. Liberals love taxing the sweat out of you. This notion they are for the working class is a load of goat piss. My luck is not good either. If it wasn't for bad luck I'd have none at all. My axe is always to the grind scraping for what I don't have and barely holding on to what I do have. It's not that I'm being pessimistic. When things don't work out like you want it comes second nature to doubt.

Red Foreman on SOPA

2012-01-19T11:30:00.003-05:00

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Stop the Online Piracy act

2012-01-18T13:32:00.006-05:00

The government controls the education system, media and TV. Now they want to control the Internet. They've been trying to go after talk radio for years. They want to control what you know. You control the masses by taking over the education system, media and TV. You limit what they can learn which limits what they know. You tell them what you only want to tell them. What this produces is blind sheep. That's called communism, socialism and Marxism. Some model countries would be North Korea, China and Venezuela. The only freedom you have there is to work the job they choose for you, listen to state ran news agency and hope the government don't seize your land and assets.

With this and the National Defense Authorization Act Obama is going to sign you can now see what his administrations ultimate goal is. This is not what this country is about. Never has been. What's going on with the NDAA, SOPA, PIPA and everything else right now is just amazing. "When the government fears the people there is Liberty, when the people fear the government there is Tyranny." There's too many people still asleep. The American people have been dumbed down so much. There is a reason our educationial system stinks. There is a reason why the history channel is all about reality shows now. There is a reason why media does not do their job like they used to. There is a reason why people know more about celebrities than they do about how the government works. It's all part of the grand master plan to control the classes, markets and information though corruption and control with money. The elites want it all. The dumbification of the USA has been going on for years.

Below contents I got off another site.

There is a new bill that the United States government has successfully passed. It is called the Stop Online Piracy Act, or (SOPA) for short. Also known as The Protect IP Act of 2011. The US Congressional Budget Office estimates that implementation of the bill would cost the federal government 47 million dollars through 2016. Translated into plain english, It will cost tax payers 47 million dollars over the next 4 years.

The SOPA act will censor you from accessing certain websites and block all access to other areas of the internet that the United States government does not want you to access.

The SOPA act essentually means, that even if you make a video of your child playing or singing and you have music playing in the background, or video on TV, you are breaking the law, and the government will order the websites that host your content to censor your content because of their new bill. Or if you visit websites that are on servers not in the United States you will be blocked so that you cannot access them.

Ask yourselves, Who really owns the internet?

The answer is simple: no one actually owns the Internet, and no single person, organization or government controls the Internet in its entirety. It is more of a concept than an actual tangible entity, and the Internet relies on a physical infrastructure that connects networks to other networks. There are many organizations, corporations, governments, schools, private citizens and service providers that all own pieces of the infrastructure that make up the internet, but there is no one entity that owns it all. How can the US government decide to block access to parts of the internet that the US government does not even own? The SOPA act is a direct violation to people's right to freedom of knowlege and information, And for that violation the United States government is a disgrace to the land of the free, The free that every United States soldier has fought or died for. The United States government is essentually telling the people of the United States that they are free to do as the government tells them. If people do not follow their rules they will arrest them for making an attempt to learn. But the government will tell the media that these people are getting arrested for acts of treason, domestic terrorism, or internet piracy.

As for the United States government. Who gave you the right to regulate the people's right to think outside the box and use the internet as they see fit? If we cut off global internet, shouldn't we also cut off all foreign affairs? Should we hinder globalization completely? Perhaps all other World Trade Centers are acts of terrorism by existing, as they use the Internet for commerce. The ambiguity of this bill should terrify you.

Well if you asked me

2012-01-18T01:16:00.010-05:00

What kind of day did I have?......You live and then you die. That's life. The only thing that sucks about death is it goes on forever. What sucks about life is you have to do it with others that can sometime annoy the piss out of you. In death at least you can be alone and take a shit with the door open. Sitting naked on your leather couch eating green jello while watching the Golden Girls is optional. I want to be ghost so I can haunt women's locker rooms and the playboy mansion. If I can't have fun in this life you sure in hell better believe I will in the after life. Hey that going on forever thing doesn't sound too bad now. Fuck it people. If that sounds bad I say go lick your thumb and stick it in a electrical socket or better yet your ass so you can finally look interesting. Bad day you ask? If you add up all the days you have my life. Then yes. Pass the Jagger and shut the hell up..... Yep that kind of day. Safe to say no one was hurt, lol. None of this is directed to you the reader but if you asked me I'd say this.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I have this delayed reaction to anger. It's the weirdest damn thing. I am so damn laid back that at the time it doesn't bother me. I just deal. Then it hits me like a wind full of elephant farts. I need a gas mask and cyanide capsule. Maybe some febreeze too. Adolph Hitler had a girlfriend. The BTK killer had a loving wife. David Koresch had the same. What the fuck is my problem? Oh yeah, the attractively challenged thing. Somehow genocidal mass murders can find someone. Maybe they fear them into it. I don't know. I have to settle for women that need happy pills because it's just not the same imagining English speaking monkeys dancing to the macarena not drugged up. These women have seen more penis than a urinal. Oh baby I'm so turned on by the cute nick names they have like loosey goosey and busy beaver. Not! It's getting old. FML! What's a guy got to do to find a sane sensible one. Slit my wrists and dive into the shark tank?

This rant was brought to you today by Fukitol; Because don't take half of what I said literal. It's the Fukitol talking. Right now I don't give a damn. =o) I know I'll regret this post tomorrow.

16 and Pregnant.

2012-01-17T00:22:00.013-05:00

MTV REALITY SHOWS: Destroying youth since back in my day (the 90s) but it's waaaaay worse. As an American of Italian descent these people really annoy and piss me off on so many levels. Why can't MTV do a show on teens and 20 somethings doing good instead of showing the worst side of that time of your life. I'm still close to that age range but I'm so far from that mindset. Art imitates life and life imitates art. I've never seen a more self absorbed vanity driven bunch of degenerates since Beavis and Butthead went to Las Vegas. At least they were a cartoons. They were funny. It was make believe. This is real life scripted or not. I've seen it with my very own eyes. I've seen guys that act like these ones. I've seen women act like these women. In short. We're all fucked. Thanks MTV =)

I REST MY CASE!!

Martin Luther King day - Judge me by my character

2012-01-16T11:21:00.012-05:00

"I have a dream. That one day I will not be judged by my appearance but by the content of my character." ~ MLK, Jr

We still do this today. It's just not based on color. We are always judging and labeling one another based off looks. The ones that are judged the most are those who differ from everyone else. If your poor, short, ugly, gay or disadvantaged in any way like mentally or physically you are judged by how you look. Not by the content of your character. It's universal. Everyone does it. Male and Female. Black, white, yellow and red. Christian, Jew, Muslim and other. That dream will never come completely true as long as people still judge someone because they are different by allowing it to control their limited insensitive mind. It's moral to accept people for who they are as long as they are honest. It's immoral to shun them because they are not just like you. There are many people out there on the outside looking in because they are judged by their appearance.

That dream is only still a dream. Mankind has always been and will always be racist and prejudiced. We will have some people that lack perspective. The only recourse we have is education in hopes we catch those before they become any of those things. But we should do more than just educate on color barriers. Being judged by your appearance stretches farther than black versus white in the 21st century. That dream is a nice thought. Mankind is never going to change but it can get a little better.

I was wrong but now I'm right

2012-01-15T13:24:00.014-05:00

I was at the bar a few weeks ago with this girl. Her friend was visiting from out of state. It's the same one I spoke of as being the third girl on happy pills. These type just love me. Ironically she knows the second one really well.. She blew me off for a walk one day. I never pursued her because of that. We met througha mutual friend. We had a good time and later exchanged numbers. I don't know what changed. I've known this one for over ten years. I haven't seen her in a long time. She confided in me that she liked me back in the day. I was shy and quiet dork then. She thought I would not go out with her. She was with one of my friends. Later I met my ex wife. Now I'm a opinionated sarcastic nerd. She's re-married but separated and still living with him. They have a small child. She's trying to get out. She says she feels like only a sex object and he's very controlling. That he says mean things. She says has cheated. There more but I'll spare you the details.

At some point of that night she starts to put her leg over mine at the bar. She's hanging all over me. She's rubbing my leg. There was one moment where she picked something out of my eye lash. It was very touchy feely. We were very close laughing and flirting all night long. It was a none smoking bar. You have to step out for a smoke. She would follow me out each time. This one time we kissed. It was one of those where is the bedroom types of kisses. It was the one and only time. It lasted a few minutes. When we stopped she looked at me with a this is wrong look. I pulled her back in for some more. When it was over she said she has not kissed someone like that in a long time. When the bar closed the three us went to get something to eat. There was no awkwardness between us as we sobered up. When we went our separate ways we pecked one another good bye. That's the one and only time it happened.

Look it was nice. I was wrong. That's not how I roll. Even though she's still married but not really with him I should not have allowed myself in that position. I don't get those moments too often. It's very seldom. I'm not the guy that gets the girl. I'm the guy that's your closest guy friend. Believe it or not I have been used. That may sound strange for admitting I don't get the girl but it has happened. I'm the safe date. The guy you don't have to worry about. I'm there. I'm loyal and I'm a sap. But I've realized I'm like a stick of chewing gum. The flavor doesn't last. There are guys that are better. Way better looking that's for sure. They have more to offer than me. That's one of the reason I don't try sometimes. There is no point. It was just good to feel like I belonged to something even though it lasted for but a night. It's nice to feel desired. To connect like that where that other person wants you. It was fun. It felt great. It was nice.

Less than a week later we met up at an indoor sporting facility to walk their track. We ended up playing basketball. She beat me in a game of around the world. Shhh don't tell anyone I was beat by a girl. She was still very flirty and touchy on the basketball court, on the track and in a secluded area. When we stepped in the storage closet to get a basketball she hinted this was a nice spot to fool around. She did the same thing when we returned it. Maybe we should lock the door she said. I wasn't flirting. We spoke on the phone many times prior to meeting up again and I thought it was a one time thing. It was one of those nights where two people needed something but not everything. By the end I told her flat out I'm not going to be the other guy. She seemed cool with it. She has issues she has to deal with. Adding me would cause more issues. I don't feel comfortable even though she says she's done with him. It is a really dysfunctional situation. It's not one I subscribe to by any stretch. When we hugged at the end she gave me this look like kiss me. The hug was good enough.

She wants me to come over to watch a movie. I'm not going. I know how those things end up. I have a considerable amount of self control but I'm still a guy. I flat out told her I'm not going to be the other guy. I rather be her friend. She is nice. She is easy to get along with. We do have a lot in common. I don't like her lifestyle. She was in a open marriage but now she is separated still living with him but has a girlfriend on the side who has a husband. That is so far from my ideals it's not even funny. This is typical of the type of women that are interested in me. They are usually run down with a lot of baggage. That does not make them a bad person. It does however turn me off. I'm not attracted to them. She wants me to call her all the time. We do talk on the phone for hours late at night after midnight. I don't mind that. Talking never hurt anyone. I'm actually back in therapist mode as I usually am. I'm not interested in her in that way so it's ok. If I can be a friend by helping her out in anyway I will. You need friends when things are going rough. I don't get that too often either.

Just shuddup

2012-01-14T02:42:00.012-05:00

I’m sick of the anal retentive nature of some people. No one is perfect. You can’t possibly cross the t’s and dot the i’s in each thing you do. No one is perfect. The level of obsessive compulsive disorder is running at optimum levels for some people. If you think you can do it better by all means do it. If you think you are better by all means you better be. There are two things I don't want to hear. How great you are at it and that's not the right way. Just shuddup!!

This going to sound crude. Down right insensitive. Take it as a figure of speech. Because that's what it is. There are many ways you can skin a cat. We all have our own ways of accomplishing stuff. Things can be done differently. Three times three times three is the same thing as nine times three. Lighten up. Quit being so uptight. You'd think if we stuck a lump of coal up your arse in ten days we'd have a diamond. Just shuddup!!

Life is not a fairy tale written by Walt Disney. If anything it's a Tim Burton movie with a little bit of Stephen King in it. Just thank your maker you were born as the awesome specimen you think you are. Because only your God knows that your excrement doesn't stink. When your high a top your mountain looking down at us little people as we do every thing wrong just remember mountains erode into hills eventually. Just shuddup!!

She's nuts part 2

2012-01-13T14:14:00.014-05:00

I haven't spoken about her in months. We dated briefly back in October. Boy I know how to pick them. It's the first real relationship with no games in a long time. We started seeing each other in September. Long story short it didn't last too long. I spoke my piece as it happened. I'm not one of these people that drag on drama. I say what I have to say and move on. Since then she has been sending me email. I don't respond. Some of it is good and then some is nasty. She'll send me email on facebook and then block me when I don't respond. Then she'll unblock me to send more. She has my cell. I don't know why she doesn't text. I hope I didn't just jinx myself. She ended up being a head case who plays games.

I just got this new one two days ago.

Her: Can you at least give me a chance and be friends?? Nothing more I promise. I know you hate me but I figured I would give it a try and speak to you. A lot has changed in my life and there's times where I wish you would forgive me and give me a chance. I have changed and regret a lot that I have done to certain people and you are one of them. I will leave the offer out there if you wanna talk if not I tried. I hope all is well with and I hope I hear from you. If you wanna talk to put stuff in the past call me.

I actually responded this time. I am talking to someone but it's only platonic. It's not going to go anywhere I think. It's a complicated situation. One where I know all too well it doesn't work out.

Me: It's all good. Its good you changed. I'm actually talking to someone right now. Lets just leave the past in the past. No hard feelings. Good luck with your life.

She blocked me again after I responded. I told some of my female friends about all this. I've kept them up to speed. I need a womanly insight. It's funny because women hardly go for me but I get along with them better. You can't rely on guys for this. We hardly take this stuff serious. They rather joke about it then try to figure it out. Right now my females friends are telling me she is probably trying to figure out who I am talking to. That she realized what kind of guy you are and regrets how she acted. This is strange in a scary way for someone I dated for a little over a month. She did threaten me with black roses and if I ever came back into town I'd get mine. She reminds me of Glenn Close from Fatal attraction. I'm no Don Juan or unique. I don't know what I am. I didn't put a spell on this girl. She's just possessed already.

What she did was play me the whole time. They guy that set us up was actually a friend of mine. He was married. They fooled around in the middle of us dating. I found that out after we split. She thought for some reason I was trying to get with another girl because I was talking to her at the social club one night. It was innocent talking. Nothing was going on. She was even there with her friends. It was a socail setting. What was I suppose to do? Stay at her hip? I just found out the other night she was texting her ex to come over on the nights I was not. I met him at a New Years Eve party. We swapped some stories and had some laughs. When we first started to date she kept on talking about being surprised I'm going out with her like I'm the sexist man alive. That's so off. Why we split was she was very smothering. She was also freaking me out. Kept on talking about love and my pheromones. Playing all these love songs on the jutebox at my fire departments social club. We were not together for that long to have those feelings. I get all these long emails every day. We'd hang out or go out and I was always questioned. I told her that I did not want to have a relationship in email or text. We can talk in person. We did talk in person but it was never good enough. She was three years older than me too.

I felt like I was on trial the entire time. I did nothing wrong. I treated her good with respect and space. She ended up alienating her friends. She was thrown out of a wedding. She was getting on their facebook to email me. I was blocking her on mine at the time. She was harassing me. When her friends didn't de-friend me on facebook she started harassing them. I sent them every thing she sent me. Even about us. They were emailing me in the beginning telling me to give her another chance. She was really dumb for bad mouthing her friends to me in email. It was bad enough that two of them went to the police. They realized it was not always the guys fault when it came to her. She has this history of saying it was them. They felt bad for her. Now they know it was her. She said a lot of mean things about me to other people. Then she'd email apologizing and making promises she'd later break. I kept my cool. The only thing I did respond with is medical information for bi-polar.

I know how to pick them!!! This oppurtunity does not come along too often but when it does I get whoppers. Never normal ones. Are there any normal ones out there? I'm always the frog. Never the prince. When someone is interested in the frog they have more issues than a one legged man entering an ass kicking contest.

My problem is

2012-01-11T12:32:00.007-05:00

My problem is I do think positive. But then reality catches up to me. It looks and sounds a lot easier in my mind then it truly is. Life to me should not be hard. You should love with your mind and think with your heart. You should treat people how you would like to be treated. You should judge people on the their character only. Once the cruelty of how the world really is catches up to me I become pessimistic. My personal world of what I experience is the complete opposite of what is in my mind. I repress a lot. I sweep things under the rug. I try to ignore it. I'm very laid back. I like to laugh. I'm not hard to please. I enjoy the simple things. Once all this catches up to me it becomes surreal in a bad way. I do have dreams, desires and needs. There just not being met. Life becomes a nightmare.

I've spent my entire life fighting these demons when I should have been living life. As I'm doing this life has passed me by. I regret missing out on a lot of things. There are things I should have done. I didn't. Because of that I'm at where I'm at in life. Some of it is because of this fight. The battle within and the battle to matter to others. The rest is because the cruelty of this world. The pressures and standards society creates for me to be something I am not because I don't fit their mold. I don't fit in. I don't have the criteria to be part of the club. They both work off one another. It's a double whammy. I feel twice my age. I'm jaded about everything. I have a lot of been there and done moments with not many where I feel like I'm living moments. I just exist going through the motions until the end.

Struggling in an understatement. There is this saying it's not how you start. It's how you finish. I feel finished. If I could put a song to this post it would be the third on down on my playlist.

I've become what I hate

2012-01-10T01:49:00.022-05:00

You ever seen the movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles with Steve Martin and John Candy? I love that movie. There is a line in that movie I really like. It's the second one. John Candy's character is responding to the Steve Martin's character from the first quote.

Neal: You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecodotes for you. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it." I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!

Del: You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get

I've always felt like Del. I've had nothing but good intentions my whole life. People like me. I've always heard I'm a straight shooter. I'm funny. I've been told I've been placed in the nice guy category. Even people I run into that I have not seen for a long time says this kind of stuff. What you see is always what you got. When I was a youth I was so and so that all the parents liked. I had a childhood friend that died a few years ago from a drug overdose. We share the same first name. His mother was taking me around the room going this is the good one by using my name. A bunch of us was drinking in a friends garage one summer. We were underage. His father comes out. He sees me and goes is that so and so? I said yes. He went back in.

I've dealt with a lot of Neal's in my life. I was bulled really bad growing up. I never had close friends. I was teased a lot in the locker room of whatever sport I played. The guys I made friends with then are not in my life now. They just dragged me down by making me feel worthless. They picked on my flaws. Look I've never been the best looking guy. I always felt ganged up on because I was easy. They are the reason why I'm a loner and why it's hard for me to trust. Sometimes I think people don't like me. There is this thought in the back of my head that says I'm a burden. No one wants me around. I never felt appreciated or respected by my peers. I keep people at arms lengths from me so I don't get hurt even though now it's not like that anymore.

You know what the sad part is? I'm turning into Neal. I've become apathetic. I don't make fun of people's disabilities. I don't rip their honest mistakes if I know they are honest. It's everything else. If I see an ounce of ignorance, dishonesty and selfishness I start to judge. It's wrong. I shouldn't do it. I also get annoyed much more easy than I used to. We all have personality flaws. I'm a people person but I've grown not to be a stupid people person. There are moments I'm like Del with being personable but then there are moments I'm nodding and smiling trying to get out of there because I'm annoyed as hell. I want to be left alone because this person is getting on my nerves. The older I get the more I want a dark castle like the Beast. I was never like this before.

I've always liked myself. I like I like to make people happy by making them feel comfortable around me. The Neal's bring out the worst part of me. I don't like what they see. It makes me think they are right. I've changed in a bad way. I've become what I hate. The other sad part is I don't believe I feel sorry about it.

I can't get out of this place

2012-01-09T12:01:00.010-05:00

Every morning it's become more difficult to get up. The night before I say I'm going to get up early to do this or do that. I don't. I'm say I'm going to start this because I have to. I want to accomplish this because I want to. I keep on hitting the snooze. I get up and I go through the same thing again. I say I'll do it tomorrow. I know tomorrow is not going to be there forever. I need music to motivate me. It's not working anymore.

I'm not lazy. I'm lacking motivation. It's part of the fun of being depressed. I want to lay in my bed with my covers over my head for the rest of my life. When nothing ever works out for you. When daily living is a constant struggle. When you've been to hell and back in your own mind. It becomes a lot more easy to give up. To stop functioning. It becomes easy not to fight. You accept it. You just go through the motions. Some days I forget what I ate or wore.

I have my good days and bad days. Some days it's not as bad as others. I thought those days where I felt like that moment right before you cry were over. All the emotions build up and then your bust out crying. Except I don't cry. It would stay with me day after day. That went on for two years. At some moment last year it snapped. I believe my give a damn busted. In the last few days that feeling has returned. I don't like it. It's horrible.

My entire life I've always felt like I'm on a roller coaster ride where I'm constantly going down. I always have this awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's like leaving your house with the feeling your forgot something important but you don't know what. It frustrates you. I can see it but not touch it. Smell it but not taste it. It's annoying. It's like being teased with Lalalalala - Hahahaha you can't have me over and over again.

This is all I've ever known. Normal? I don't know normal.

I'm facebooking in the virtual world

2012-01-08T23:33:00.017-05:00

To take up space and your time here are more facebook walk posts. I'm never literal on facebook. Well sometimes yes but I'll let you figure it out. I cut up.

Why doesn't Wile E Coyote just go with rockets that are not Acme?... beep.. beep...

I just used the line where you ask the girl if she has anywhere you can hide your penis because the cops are after it. She bought me underwear. SCORE!! Haha I still got it.

Who do you think would win in a street fight? Papa Smurf, Brainy and Clumsy versus Alvin, Simon and Theordore?

"I'm here for a good time. Not a long time" ~ Loraine on marriage (some woman I just met) lol

A deer just hoofed me for a ride. Forget that. That deer looked crazy. Maybe if it was a doe, you know, a female deer..... Me is a name I call myself... Bow chicka wow wow

I read somewhere that Albert Einstein was a chronic masterbater..... There's hope!!

Maybe it's best to just lay in bed all day with the covers over my head singing the theme song to the Love Boat and other show tunes'

And that's how it's done. Now remember those easy steps. If you do, in no time you will have your very own foot up someones ass

I have to put minutes on my phone. Whoever text me tonight I'm not ignoring you. Mental thought: Ninjas that fight like the three stooges but can kick some serious ass with some laughs.... heeee-yaaaaaaaaa... Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk...

So I heard there was some breaks in my old town tonight. I want to help. I will be wearing my Kickass costume tonight prowling the dark corners of the streets. Feel free to leave beer and pretzels as a thank you on your porches

I had a weird dream that involved a Tsunami and NYC being destroyed. It felt real. Symbolism. Hmm I wonder the meaning of this dream...... I checked my bed so I didn't piss myself.... this time

Watching Indiana Jones and the last crusade. All is right in the world for the next two hours. Fav part; punches the Nazi off the blimp and goes, "No ticket"... Wanted to do that to bartender last night that ran out of Miller lite bottles.. "No Miller lite!"

You know you are in the hood when the letters on the outside read Hardware but when you look inside it's a Wine and Spirits

I'm noticing there are a lot of December birthdays. What are they putting in the water in March? Maybe it's not actually the water. It is in the spermage.

Ok ladies where you at? I have two here with me. The alcohol is flowing. I am one angel short of being Charlie tonight.

I'm sweating like a fat kid at a lettuce factory going "THEIR GOING TO MAKE ME EAT IT! THEIR GOING TO MAKE ME EAT IT!"

Why is Doc from the movie Back to the Future always in a hurry. You ever notice he's always looking at his watch? Dude, you have a friggen time machine. Set it for five minute early. Slow down and watch the turtle hump the squirrel behind the bushes for pity sake.

Every time I put my dish rag to the bottom of a my dirty cups and pull it back out it makes that suction cup noise..... Ahh brings back memories of church youth group.

It's going to snow. One thing is for... all you ladies are going to get some inches tonight.

I'm watching the Golden Globes. Why can't our blue color jobs have awards like this. Best call off excuse. Best Oscar moment faking an illness to go home. Lifetime achievement award for switching jobs too many times. Best office slut. Best brown nosing back stabber. Best job performance while working for a jackass of a boss. Doing the least but being awarded for doing the most because you know the boss or you are sleeping with them nepotisim award. I'm down for it

DYNAMITE - TAIO CRUZ

2012-01-07T20:36:00.000-05:00

Wish I could quit cold turkey

2012-01-06T14:24:00.019-05:00

I need to figure out how to quit smoking. I think jumping off the roof would be counter productive. Sticking one thumb up my bum while blowing on the other one like it's a balloon would be funny but not very helpful. Dangling raw meat under my arm pits and then stepping into the lions cage will not help either. Any idea that don't involve shaved horny sheep and potato salad?

I've been smoking for 6 months. That's longer than I planned. After not being addicted to nicotine my whole life apparently I am hooked on Marlboro light. The longest I've gone without a pack has been four days. I thought I had it beat. Went out for drinks one night and I bummed one. I walked over to the gas station to buy a pack of my own. I smoke four packs a week.

I know it's not good for me. It is considered unhealthy and unattractive. I wouldn't want to kiss an ash tray or be around someone that smells of cigarette smoke all the time. I smoke outside in open spaces. I don't have the clothes issue. I get the I didn't know you smoke comments. I know my hands smell of nicotine. I wash them a lot. I brush my teeth a lot too. It's an expensive bad habit to maintain.

It's stress for sure. Depression. Dealing with life's irony and struggles. Dumb way to do it. I should start going back to the gym.

The American Empire

2012-01-04T23:22:00.003-05:00

Iran warned the United States not to return one of it's aircraft carriers to the Persian Gulf. An air craft carrier left the area when Iran began Naval exercises.

I'm all American. I'm patriotic. I can't get enough of stories about the greatest generation that ever lived and that HBO series Band of Brothers. I love the WW2 era. I hold those men up as true heroes. I respect the United States military. We need them.

But I have to beg this question. If an Iranian aircraft carrier was positioned around Cuba (be it if they had an air force) or in international waters near Hawaii or even Alaska would the American government stand for it? We're kind of on Iran's front door right now. If the roles were reversed I don't think we'd have none of it. We'd probably go to war.

See these are the things Ron Paul would change. He's not going to tuck his tail in and run from a fight but he's going to try to avoid one at all costs. Maybe if we gave respect to certain nations we wouldn't get the horns all the time. Iran is no more of threat to the US than Saddam Hussein is right now. They could be one day if we don't stop with these war games.

Maybe we should stop practicing offensive tactics so much. I think it's time to break bread with those who see things differently to find common ground. They have children. We have children. We speak different languages but maybe underneath the bickering we could come to a common ground if we just listen to one another.

The United States has to start taking a long look at Empires from the past as to how they fell from grace. The Roman Empire and British Empire would be a great place to start. It's already starting financially. Pretty soon India and China will be the world powers. The United States won't be able to do anything when China is going up and down their coast lines.

Why am I here?

2012-01-03T14:23:00.014-05:00

Why am I here? That's the question everyone eventually asks that will stand the test of time. Why me? That's something I used to ask daily. Notice that sentence means past tense. I never asked to be here. None of us have. But somehow some people are blessed far more than others if you believe in God. That's not meant to be a jealous or envious statement. Being an atheist it is what it is. There is no grand master plan for any of us. It's the luck of the draw. If you think I'm wrong than how do you explain those born mentally challenged or physically handicapped? Why are these people less blessed than the rest of us who are able minded and bodied? Some of those people are tyrannical sociopaths to boot. What makes you better then them? The answer is nothing because nature can be cruel. The world can be cruel.

Everything you have experienced good or bad is not an act of a God. It's an act of life. It's part what you make it, part your experiences and part your genetics. It's part of nature with how the universe works. You may say I'm wrong but what makes you so positive you are right? Because of some religious doctrine? The US Constitution said all men are created equal but they still supported slavery. You can't go off what is written. The US constitution has some good things in it too but it is hypocritical. In the bible it supports stuff like slavery, murder and mutilation. So are you going to do those things? The bible has good things in it but also very hypocritical. You have to go off what you see. That's where real faith comes from. It's reality that pulls no punches, loopholes or arms. It's better to live in the now with what is in front of you instead of the never will be with things that are not in your deck of cards. Just for your own sanity you have to wise up to it to say this is all I am.

My entire life up to this year I asked why am I here and why me. I literally made myself sick at times. I realized there is no answer to this. This is my experience. We all have different ones. My life brought me to this reality. It's far better to accept what you don't have then struggle with what you never will. It's better to be what you've always been then try to be something you are not. Dreams I have them. Hopes and desires I think about them. I wish. I try. I've failed. I don't expect things to happen. I rather be surprised if they do. I just know through all of this there is no special reason why I am here. It's not giving up. It's just dealing with it the best way I know how. I'm still learning how to adapt and function on a day to day basis now that I don't question anymore. My problem has always been how I react to it. If I can beat that then I think I'll be ok.

It is what is it.

Alien Anal probing

2012-01-03T01:01:00.003-05:00

My friend: I cant fall asleep at night now that I'm having pains on both sides of my back. Thursday morning cannot come soon enough. This needs fixed!

Me: Quit laying on your back so much. Wait that sounded bad. Kidneys? Get them checked at all?

My friend: (Laughs) I'm going Thursday to get them checked out. Really it laughs when I hurt. Quit being you right now, ok?

Me: I hope you get it checked out. Back problems are no fun. I had a monkey on mine for 4 years. I divorced her. Back feels great now.

My friend: (Laughs) I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm thinking its stones but I`ll find out.

Me: Yes I've been feeling better for years now. It's all a bad memory like someone abducted by aliens to only get anal probed their entire visit. What exactly is up your ass that is so important that some advanced species that travelled light years to get here has to see? Do they think the gas up our ass is like fossil fuels or something? Maybe our farts can fuel a wind farm on their planet? But thanks it does feel great. I hope you don't have stones.

My friend: (Laughs)

Me: It's not that funny. Every morning after I woke up I had this migraine. Then she went to work.

My friend: I would give anything for just a migraine

Me: At that time I would have given anything for stones so I could bash my brains in.

My friend: (Laughs real hard) Ouch my back!

Benedict Arnold's of the sporting world

2012-01-02T23:35:00.012-05:00

How can you be born and raised in the same place but hate all the sports teams? Football is HUGE here. How can you like the Dallas Cryboys, New England Pansies or even in hockey with the Filthadelphia Flyers when you live here? For this area that's the equivalent of a Muslim being born and raised with Islam but practices Christianity. Unlike in Islam we don't kill Benedict Arnold's thank goodness.

They have some sort of mental issues. Then they get on facebook to talk smack. When you see them they are sporting their teams jersey with a smirk on their face. When the home town team loses they pound the Internet and cement pavement singing Joy to the world in their own version. It makes you want to bitch slap them with one of those foam fingers. The cool part is no brain damage.

I noticed these types of people love to argue. They have to be different and also right all the time. Before you know it you catch them drinking out of your milk carton, pissing on your toilet seat, breaking your PS3 controller and hitting on your kid sister. No joke!! Ok I'm joking and embellishing in this paragraph a bit but they are a bunch of buzz kills for sure. It's like STFU and move!!

But you know what it makes it so much sweeter when their team loses or you team wins championships. And it's even better when their team makes it to championship games to only lose. Then you throw it back in their face ten fold. Some of them can't take it. They get mad and stomp away like a three year old that couldn't have one of those pretzel rods after a doctors visit.

Moral of the story is quit being such a poor sport and a bitch all wrapped up in one messed up soft taco that give the rest of us nothing bad bad gas and heartburn. It comes down to loyalties. They are band wagon jumpers. When the home team has multiple losing seasons they jump ship. They talk bad on the team so much they created their own impenetrable wall blocking them from coming back when they win.

History channel! What gives?

2012-01-02T10:29:00.004-05:00

Every time I turn it on they are playing conspiracy theory programs. I have to watch it wearing a tin foil hat.

They have this show called ancient Aliens. It's about ancient astronaut theories talking about visitors from out space or another dimension visiting mankind in its infancy. They also have these shows on river monsters and other unexplained things like Bigfoot, mothman, Lochness and the jersey devil. They have shows on the lost Mayan civilization but it's always geared to the end of the world. It's interesting. Stuff like the hieroglyphics in the Mayan and Egyptian pyramids as well as the Nazca lines in Peru and caving drawings of neanderthals make you think. These people have to have seen something and it's a known fact cavemen depicted what they actually seen. The elongated heads and stuff on the Sumerians and Annunaki have always interested me. Nostradamus quatrains are interesting too. Then they have stuff on Jesus being an Alien. Being an atheist that just turns me off to the whole channel sometimes. They have other Egyptian kings and queens as aliens to. All of this is overkill.

Then they have these reality shows that have absolutely nothing to do with history. What does pawning and swamp people have to do with history? Shouldn't that be on the learning channel or something? All day today it's a marathon of these stupid reality shows. After the reality shows all these alien conspiracy theories will be on. Not one credible source of history will be played on THE HISTORY CHANNEL today. It's a god damn Greek tragedy if you ask me. You can always pick up a book but why the hell do you have a History channel? It's the lazy readers way of learning that does the same trick. It's line-up and what it offers has drastically changed.

Where is the history? The wars, the genocide, the treaties, the politics, the public figures, natural disasters, etc, etc and etc? The X, Y and Z of what happened, why, who and how it ended. Where is all that? It's like they are purposely trying to destroy their channel. It's suppose to be about history. Now it's just about nothing. Is the government running the history channel now? One way to control people is to control the past. Other than picking up a book you can get information much quicker on television. The education system in the US is one of the worst. The other source of information the news is the least trusted these days. You dumb down the public and they are easier to control.

January 1st 2012

2012-01-01T14:03:00.007-05:00

My New Years resolution is not saying I'm going to do something different or change that or start doing this and then not do it. I'm going with the flow. I know what I want to do. What I must do. I know what I have to accomplish. I have a vision. I know what I'm up against. I'm just not going to stamp some label on it. I'll take it one day at a time. Hope I don't get discouraged. Stick with it to tough it out.

Is it me or when you get older the years fly by compared to when you were younger and it felt like you were going nowhere?

I did end up going to a NYE house party last night. One too many jager bombs, jello shots and smokes. It's like a potato chip. You just can't have one. I feel like an ash tray and a liquor cabinet today. I got sucked in. It's not my fault. Ok it is my fault. No will power in these situations. Besides I've been the sober guy in a room full of drunks. It's annoying. Thankfully not many scandalous pics if any. Only saw a few tagged photos of me on facebook so far. I did break out a song and dance routine of In the navy by the Village people. Was it recored or not I don't know. I was asking my friend who was in the Navy if that was the daily thing they did on ships when they were out at sea.

I've grown a fondness for mistle toes. That's all I have to say. Muah hahahaha...come on laugh evilly with me as I rub my palms with a sinister glare in my eyes... Muah hahahaha!!! The one thing I could have gone without is this girl showing a cell pic of her husbands penis piercing. Cock ring or whatever you want to call it. She just shoved it in my face. The cell phone pic that is thank goodness. I felt so violated, lol. I wanted to go take a shower right there and then. Eesh. I haven't a clue how that subject was brought up. This is the sense of propriety we're missing in society today. I'm all about jackassery but talk about a too much information moment. All in all good times and good people.

I learned a lesson I already knew to start off the new year. The amount of drinking at the party from the night before will directly correspond with the amount of hangover you have the next day

I'm 50/50 on going out NYE

2011-12-31T12:49:00.007-05:00

2011 sucked for me. I hope 2012 will be better. If the end of the world doesn't happen at the end of 2012 I will never read up on anything like that again. Let's hope they are wrong, eh?

At 11:59 pm I will be alone no matter if I'm at my fire departments social club's party, my friends house party (it's probably going to be epic) or just here chillaxing. I don't like that moment. That moment to me just says here is another shitty year beginning. I'll step outside. Have a smoke. I can't tell you the last time I enjoyed the moment after the ball dropped. That's no surprise because I don't remember when my actual balls dropped either. Muah hahaha!! That moment is joyous for many but to me it's not. Life's can be such a bitch. I want to do a do over.

If I go I won't be drinking either. If I'm mobile it's not worth the risk. I just can't have one beer. It's like potato chips. You just can't have one. One beer will turn into two. Two beers will turn in to three. Then there are the shots. The jello shots. Then more beer. The many 2011 and 2012 toasts. Pretty soon I'm drunk proclaiming I'm sotally tober. Take me drunk I'm home. I'm a happy drunk like I'm a goofball with a serious side sober but I tend to lose my sense of conviction. Oops. I don't want a DUI/DWI. I think this year I'll just laugh at all the drunks if I go out.

I'm 50/50 on going anywhere. Right now I'm swaying not to go but I know come 8 or 9pm I'll be itching. Last night I was going. I'm not feeling it. "It's a New Year. Yaaaay!", he said sarcastically. Nope. Not feeling it.

Just STFU already

2011-12-29T02:31:00.009-05:00

Ok campers I'm sick of the insufferable bitching about he doesn't pay attention to me and she tries to control me every time I hear a complaint about a significant other. If it's that bad why do you keep on going back? End the damn thing. Until that happens shut the hell up and deal with it. How about trying to get with someone for the right reasons instead of some shallow or lustful one. Until then quit your bitching about who you are with. You chose them probably off looks not substance.

I'm tired of hearing about all the cheating. In just the last week alone in my little world I've heard 10 cases of cheating and then getting back together because they say they love one another to only end up having one or both cheat again. Seriously you people make me so sick that my poop pukes. Flings, one night stands and booty calls is the same thing as being a slut or womanizer. If I hear guys are such pigs or women are such sluts one more time I'm going to bitch slap someone. You are the problem. You are the pigs and sluts.

Some of you don't believe in commitment now do you. That's the part where you respect the other person enough not to secretly flirt text another behind their back or go hang out with the opposite sex in a date style setting or intimate moment. What you are is called selfish and inconsiderate. It's part of the 21st century woman's prerogative they color code as part of feminism and male bravado I have to bed every thing movement. It's sickening to have to watch let alone deal with in my own already hard enough dating life.

You fuckers ruin it for the honest ones because we have to fight your memory. We end up getting burnt because of your stupidity and deviance. We end having to play the game because of it.

Half ass rant complete. Have a nice day =)

They annoy me this much

2011-12-26T10:08:00.011-05:00

As I'm growing older my patience is getting thinner. Shouldn't that be the other away around? Patience is something I've always had with people. Their little idiosyncrasies are starting to get to me. Safe to say I really need a vacation.

Ever have that one person that pretty much annoys you all the time no matter what they do? I have one of those as well. This all occurred before 10am today.

Some people need hearing aids. Your in a small room but still you voice is raised when you talk. Its like your both at the end of a very long table screaming pass the salt. The kicker is your conversation is annoying the shit out of me. No one cares. It's the dumbest exchange of words I've ever heard. Do me a favor; shut up or find a way to off yourself. Hey here's a muzzle.

Why do I always have to hear long speeches? Drama filled long speeches of stupid shit. Why don't you bring a film crew with your next time so we can at least profit off your grand standing. It could be a reality show. You remind me of my high school guidance counselor minus his poor fashion sense. Here is the truth. I don't give a shit. The world you live in is not mine. Your too intense.

You do know when you walk its best to tread softly. Don't you ever wonder what that thud is when you walk? Why is it when you walk you stomp around like rhino grazing in the pasture. I guess I can't nickname you twinkle toes. For someone your size you would think it was ten morbidly obese men wearing high heels dancing to Michael Flatley's lord of the dance.

Look I don't know. If I did know I'd tell you. If I did care I would know because I paid attention. It's just not important to me. What's with the twenty questions? I'm trying to block them out but they keep on coming. Am I being put on trial here? I want to be on a need to know bases. Right now I don't need to know. The FBI is hiring. Go put in an application Judge Judy.

When you talk why is half of what you want to say still stuck in your brain while what you've said so far I'm left to decode. I'm standing here wondering what the hell are you talking about. You should write down all that you are going to say because I have no clue what language you are speaking. It would be most helpful because when I tell you to stfu I have something to go off of.

Three ghosts from Christmas past

2011-12-25T13:36:00.003-05:00

I had a visit last night from three Christmas ghosts from the past. The first one was bald. He kept on going nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. The second one had clown hair but was without make-up. He kept on hitting me in the face with a pie. The last one looked like he had a bowl put over his head when he got a haircut. He kept on calling me a wise guy. The only thing I learned was how to block an eye poke.

After doing some research I found this photo. The resemblance to these ghosts were uncanny.

Pause my music playlist. Looks good. I like the classic 3 stooges but imitation art can be just as good.

Merry Christmas! Shitters full

2011-12-24T10:20:00.001-05:00

Where do you think you're going? Nobody is leaving. Nobody is walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. ~ Clark W. Griswald

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? ~ Clark W. Griswald

Every time my wife turns on the microwave I piss myself and forget who I am ~ Uncle Eddie

Shitters full ~ Uncle Eddie

Stuck in a moment

2011-12-23T00:31:00.001-05:00

Blackened heart
Darken soul
Lived a long life
Not very old

Deep in the caverns
Of this weary mind
Existing in the trenches
Between space and time

In each moment
Demons are at play
Toying with my senses
Every second of the day

Out of the womb
Long story short
Harboring this thought
Should have pushed abort

Always pressing on
Stuck in this mold
Searching for the strength
For what I can't hold

And the Oscar goes to... THE NORTH KOREAN PEOPLE!

2011-12-22T03:04:00.007-05:00

Pause my playlist.

There are many displays like this going on. Did you see the government officials and military brass crying like school girls at a Justin Beiber concert at his viewing? Talk about you better cry like a baby or we'll kill you ultimatum. If it's not that, and this is real, what a complete manipulation of mind control they have going on over there. I wonder if Barrack Obama is sending over an envoy to take notes as to how to pull this off. Long Duc Dong, I mean Kim Jong Il was a douche bag with an inferiority complex. All tyrants and despots are. He violated a lot of human rights violations by starving his people and torturing them. Nearly started a nuclear war in the region. I bet his father used to beat him with wet noodles while his mother stood over him screaming get up Augustus Gloop until she realized he was standing up.

This is Ludacris

2011-12-20T13:01:00.010-05:00

Why is it when I'm behind someone on the road I have to start singing Ludacris, "Move bitch, get out the, get out the way! Move bitch, get out the way, get out the way!" They lolly gag to the stop sign. They lolly gag to a complete stop to make a right turn. They lolly gag in the parking lot. They lolly gag in a fire lane blocking me from passing by. They lolly gag in a 35 mph zone. They lolly gag in the fast lane. LOL

I'm a cool calm cat. You get me behind a wheel and I'm like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. If I drove nascar my name would be Dick Trickle. I hate being held up.

What is with these people? Where did they get their license? A cracker jack box? Are these people laid off or off the clock site tour bus drivers? Are they agitated disgruntled postal workers paying us back for complaining the mail service is slow? What with the Sunday drive stuck behind feather foot Frannie and break riding Barney on a Tuesday? People have lives to live!! I'm young. By the time I get to where I'm going my social security check will be in the mail. Alzheimer's would kick in and I'd forget where I was going. More importantly where the hell I was at and why my pants smell like pee.

This always happens when I'm in a rush. =) There has to be some secret deviant society out there like the one in the Matt Damon movie the adjustment bureau. There just has to be. It's too ironic.

Make em laugh

2011-12-20T02:51:00.025-05:00

Yesterday I was told: You know I would love to live in your mind. I love the way you think and I think your mind would be like Willy Wonka's factory. Might be a dark factory but it would be a blast. I don't think she could handle it, lol.

That's funny. I'd say like a Tim Burton movie. I have to be funny. I am not afraid to make a fool of myself. I am a goofball with a serious side. I have my emo like moments minus the black clothes and mascara. I can philosophize. I have deep thoughts. My mind is always going. But mostly I love to make people smile. If your having a bad day I will try my hardest to get you to laugh. I'm known for my banter and witty quips. I'm sarcastic but I know when to stop. It has back fired on me. That and you wont being taken seriously when you should be. You can't put it on thick. You'll end up being obnoxious. Trying to hard to be funny is not good. You don't want that. I was not like this around people growing up. I was a total 180. I had potential but I was shy and quiet. I was an afraid little shit. I had a few moments. I wasn't even like this five years ago. I don't know what happened. Maybe I'm going nuts, lol.

I figure life can be such a bitch. You might as well laugh and in the process hope you make others as well. Just to break the tension I went up to this girl and said: Hey? Can I call you on the phone later so I can talk real creepy and breathe heavy? Tension was broke. This was actually something I thought up but someone else did as well. You know Joseph, the Virgin Mary and the Maury show where they do DNA on the fathers? Joeseph was on the Maury show. He was not the father!! Mary is distraught. Religious people would hate this. I'm politically incorrect. They'll get over it.

I have all these corky comedy skits in my head. If you would ever see me smiling like some nut that's me thinking of one. I have an idea for weird Al Yankovich. Remember his Michael Jackson parody you know I'm fat from the 80's? You know that song I'm sexy and I know it? I writing a funny parody for it.

Ahh. Girl (farts) look at that body. I-I-I don't work out. Ahh. Girl (burps) look at that body. I-I-I don't work work out. When I walk in McDonald's, this is what I see. Everybody stops and they laughing at me. I got passion in my gut and I ain't afraid to show it... show it... show it. I'm hungry and I know it.

I'm working on the rest of the lyrics. That's a short sample. It's simple. I would love to make a music video with choreography. I'm not into doing physical comedy and i can't dance for nothing but I would love to try.

You have to mute my playlist for this. Classic. I love it!!

I love this movie. I can relate to this character very well.

And here it is again

2011-12-19T11:14:00.035-05:00

And here it is again. Another one. I've been laying out these examples. The weird part for me is this stuff is coming all at the same time recently. We've known each other since our late teens. She chose the other guy. They married young and divorced young. Just like my story. We lost touch over the years. Of course there is a snag with this as usual. Something I can't get out of my head. I'll explain after. Nothing has happened between us. These are text messages after a night of going back and forth.

She said: You know weird thing is if we knew now what we knew back then, I would have went for you. Weird I know. I never said out loud, lol

She said: Erase. That comment I think I had one too many beers. Well one. Damn it!! lol

I said: What was it about me back then that had you interested? Is this the alcohol talking after one beer?

There was silence after hours of non stop back and forth

I said: Hello????

She said: What were we talking about, lol?

She said: I'm back peddling, lol. Ohhh what is different now then back then? Yes I remember no alcohol in my system, right now. I was trying a way to cover that statement. I probably would have went for you back then, but I didn't think I was you type or had a chance. You always made me laugh and I always enjoyed chatting with you. You were really shy and quiet. If I asked you out back then would have you agreed?

I said: Yes I was shy. But I would have fought through it.

There is more about her. Other than being a nice person so far she takes anti-depressants. The last girl I just dated was on happy pills too. She ended up having a chemical in balance. Ok she was nuts. Like this girl I'm hearing the same things about what she thinks of me but we have more of a history. She also has a girlfriend. I mean sexual one. She is bisexual. I have no problem with that. You sexual preference is your business. But I wouldn't want to date someone that is. I know most guys would be excited about this. Not me. Not my thing. Her girlfriend is also married. Yea I know, lol. She asked me if this bothers me. Of course I said no. I don't want to hurt her feelings. The other thing is she is still married but kind of separated from her husband. They have an open marriage. Once again not my thing. I'm a traditionalist when it comes to relationships. I'm not into swinging. It actually turns my stomach a bit thinking about it. Nice girl though. Very funny and easy to get along with. I have no problem being just a friend.

Yet again another story as to my luck with dating and finding someone that is interested in me. I have female friends that have it together. I mean they don't have these types of issues let alone take happy pills to feel good about themselves. I'm not judging that. I'm talking about my luck with dating with whom I attract. Some of my female friends I do crush on. I keep it platonic. I don't want to ruin our friendship or make it awkward. I'm not their type. If I were they'd signal me in some way they are interested. I think? For the life of me I cannot find someone that has some sense of propriety and morality to where they are not a prude but not promiscuous like this. I like the person but not how they live. I'm like a light and they are the wasp that tend to fly in from time to time.

I don't know what it is. I can guess that it's because these guys they are with do not pay attention to them. They do not talk to them. I talk to them and I make them laugh. I'm easy to talk to and none threatening. That's all I can come up with. I don't tell them these things I'm blogging to you now. I don't dish out my philosophies or my crappy poetry until much later if the situation calls for it. I use no lines. I don't even tell my female friends. I'm not being played with. So it can't be that. I am not good looking. I'm not the hunchback of Notre Dame but I'm not Brad Pitt either. I always joke I'm Quasimodo's more studly half-brother. My personality stands out. That's it. I'd say %99.9 of the time I'm not even considered. There is nothing special about me. My teens I was too shy. That was due to bullies as a kid and being made fun of as a youth. My adult life I'm just not good looking but I'm not shy anymore or am I that kid or youth. Man this sucks, lol. Overall it's because I'm attractively challenged

If I want sex I got it but love and mutual feelings I never had it. Even my ex-wife. That was not love. That was something else. It was like a lifetime ago. I'm a different person like I am from my childhood. I'll explain later. I want good things. Love not lust. Passion not perversion. Romance not porn. I want it to be real with someone that can turn me on with their character and personality. To be honest I'm ready to give in despite how I feel. Despite what I blog on about. It's just killing me to stay true to it all anymore. It's like what the point and what the fuck???!!! It's frustrating to say the least that some people have it so easy even if their douche bags when it's so god damn hard for me. It's a curse.

You Know John Wiliiam's brilliant score Battle of Hereos? That's the music playing in my head right now. I'm a dork. I know.

US president Obama signs NDAA Martial Law

2011-12-18T23:45:00.012-05:00

Mute/pause my music playlist

This is FOX NEWS. Last video is MSNBC if you don't like FOX NEWS

In a stunning move that has civil libertarians stuttering with disbelief, the U.S. Senate has just passed a bill that effectively ends the Bill of Rights in America. The National Defense Authorization Act is being called the most traitorous act ever witnessed in the Senate, and the language of the bill is cleverly designed to make you think it doesn't apply to Americans, but toward the end of the bill, it essentially says it can apply to Americans "if we want it to.

Bill Summary & Status, 112th Congress (2011 -- 2012) | S.1867 | Latest Title: National Defense Authorization Act for. This bill, passed late last night in a 93-7 vote, declares the entire USA to be a "battleground" upon which U.S. military forces can operate with impunity, overriding Posse Comitatus and granting the military the unchecked power to arrest, detain, interrogate and even assassinate U.S. citizens with impunity.

Listen to Obama in his own words before he was elected

Even WIRED magazine was outraged at this bill, reporting: Senate Wants the Military to Lock You Up Without Trial...the detention mandate to use indefinite military detention in terrorism cases isn't limited to foreigners. It's confusing, because two different sections of the bill seem to contradict each other, but in the judgment of the University of Texas' Robert Chesney — a nonpartisan authority on military detention — "U.S. citizens are included in the grant of detention authority."

The passage of this law is nothing less than an outright declaration of WAR against the American People by the military-connected power elite. If this is signed into law, it will shred the remaining tenants of the Bill of Rights and unleash upon America a total military dictatorship, complete with secret arrests, secret prisons, unlawful interrogations, indefinite detainment without ever being charged with a crime, the torture of Americans and even the "legitimate assassination" of U.S. citizens right here on American soil!

Ron Paul said this back in 2008.

MSNBC a staunch supporter of Democrats and Obama said this

Hahaha! I have a penis!

2011-12-18T16:07:00.017-05:00

I'm watching Wizard of Oz on right now. Does that make me less manly? What if I start building a work bench for tools or strut around with my hands on my hips smoking a cigar while holding a glass of brandy proclaiming in a deep voice, "Hahaha I have a penis!!" as I watch Dorthy not give into her urges. Will that help? We all know she was turned on by the Scarecrow, Tin man and Lion. Come on! You could feel the sexual tension throughout the whole movie!! A man with no brains. So easily for a women to control. A Tin Man. There is no limp in him. The lion. Well ROOOOAR!!

I love the smell of dirty, muddy and soaked football pads the day after a practice. I used to love that pop sound it made when you tackled someone. I hate asking for directions. I forget to put the toilet seat down once in a while. I laugh my ass off watching Seinfeld, Family Guy and South park. I'm all about slapstick witty humor filled with banter. I can be politically incorrect. I don't mind raunchy jokes. I need my rock'n'roll!! I'm not against total jackassery as long as it's fun and not hurtful. That girl over there in the bikini has it going on. See I'm a man but.......

I love sunsets and dawns with the many different shades of grey, red, yellow and orange that illuminate the horizon. I like listening to classical music during thunderstorms. I love taking nature walks. I love the smell of freshly cut grass. The sounds of wind chimes. The sounds of children playing. I love when toddlers laugh. I don't think you should tear another man down so you feel better about yourself. I don't mind going shopping as long as my game isn't on =) because I'm with you. That's all that counts. I don't mind telling you how I feel by expressing my feelings. I like communication. I love having long talks. I'm a good conversationalist. I love compromise. If you cook I should wash. If you worked I should cook. I seen the girl in the bikini but good character and personality is far sexier. It's a turn off when they don't.

I don't buy that men need to go around with exuberant levels of male machismo bravado beating their chest. Just because you have a penis does not mean you are a man. Your a male. A guy. But being a man is something else. It's being strong but sensitive. It's when you believe a handshake seals the deal and the first thing you think about when you see her is not perversion. It's respect. You the protector but not the warden. There is nothing wrong with being manly. There nothing wrong with having a pretend tea party with a your 7 year old niece either.

We have the penis. We should control it. We have responsibilities to act a certain way. So do women. If a woman does not respect that. They are not worth it. If a man don't understand that. They don't deserve it.

I know that's hard. No not the penis. Get your mind out of the gutter. This way of life. As a male I struggle with the pressure that society puts on men every day. It's like we suppose to be insensitive pigs. We're all stereotyped that way.

Let's talk about prayer

2011-12-17T14:47:00.008-05:00

When life is rough. Pray. When life is great. Pray

In other words don't do nothing. STAY WHERE YOU ARE!! Puff the magic dragon down by the sea will take care of it. An alter boy is being molested right now by a priest. He's praying for it to stop. It wont. An African child just died from starvation. His parents prayed. That child is dead. An elderly couple is being evicted from their home. They prayed. Nothing happened. They're trying to find a place to live. A drug dealer is living the high life. Your homeless. You pray. Your still homeless. A rapist finds love. Your a moral person. Your lonely. You pray. Your still lonely. One guys kills another guy. You tried to save his life. The guy who killed another repents and goes to heaven. Your an atheist. Your going to hell. Now go pray for that raise you think you deserve. Lets see what happens.

They say God works in mysterious ways. To me there is nothing mysterious about it. There is no God. Just because you have faith does not mean it's truth. Do people believe in the lochness monster? Yes. Just because you believe what is written in a book does not mean it is real. Do people believe Greek mythology is real? Yes. Just because you read a story where someone prayed for rain and it happened, does not mean prayer worked. Did you read the weather cast for that day? No.

Prayer solves nothing. It's the equivalent to a child tucked in their bed late at night holding a Teddy bear because it makes them feel safe. The truth is their is no Teddy bear in the sky. Until that can be proven without reciting from religious documents the scientific evidence speaks for itself. There is no outside source to back up those claims. Religion was set up to control through fear and reward. It treats adults like how we treat children. If you knew there was nothing after you die would you live the same? Most people don't know the history of religion. For example they don't teach the old testament in church for nothing. Yes lets look to the heavens and pray. Lets put our thoughts in the clouds even though our feet are planted on the ground.

Religion, prayer and faith is a personal experience between mankind and their mind. It should not be forced on anyone. Nor should it be spoken about as fact.

I have some faith. Just not in religion.
The Phoenix Rising: Athiest of two years.

Add this to the list of what annoys me

2011-12-17T13:35:00.005-05:00

People that constantly sigh get on my nerves. If it's that bad why don't you figure out a way to off yourself. Life sucks. Mine sucks. But Christ can we make it less annoying in the process. I know we all have our individual struggles in life. Some more than others. If people knew the length I go each day just to get out of bed. I fight not to put the covers over my head. There are days I don't want to function. My sense of humor is what keeps me in check. You can also thank my childhood infatuation with Superman that carried into my adult life. Today it's about Clark Kent's struggles more than Superman's powers. To sound more like a dork I have experience with my own red kryptonite. I'm a closet Superman fan. Keep that on the DL.

I keep on moving forward. I don't know how long that will last. Something has to give. When I see people constantly mope around when they are blessed with things I've never had it pisses me off. They do not understand how easy they have it. Everything is in their control. I'm not talking material things or even money. I sound very ignorant. Maybe jealous. It isn't if you understood me. If you walked in my shoes, felt what I've felt and knew my thoughts you would. I know who I am. My life has always been about trying to fit into a world that I don't.

The search for alternative energy is over!!

2011-12-16T19:18:00.000-05:00

I kid you not

2011-12-16T00:29:00.014-05:00

I shit you not. There is no reason for me to do that.

I was told this the other day
Please don't tell any one I am telling you this. I wish my Katie would of ended up with you instead of Scott.

Katie's mother said that to me. I briefly dated her daughter in high school. So brief I don't remember much. I've known her since I was seven. About 4 years ago she moved back in state. We started seeing each other. Nothing official. I remember at the time she was telling me her parents really like me. We had a mutual friend that overdosed on drugs. We went to the funeral together. She got drunk afterwards at the dinner. Very frisky too. Long story short we ended up at this park before we headed to the families house for more boozing. She needed to sober up. The make out session begins. She's drunk. I'm slightly buzzed. It could have went farther but It didn't. She wanted to but I opted to get her water instead. I'm not like that. At least I wasn't at the time but now I'm not so sure. We're at the families house. They could tell by our body language and how she was eating off my plate we were something. They asked if we were dating. I looked at her and she looked at me. I nodded. By the end of the night she told me her ex was moving here.

I responded to her mom with this
We had something going on before he moved here. The rest is history. Katie has always been a nice and kind person. I did like her but I failed to stay in there. Don't worry my lips are sealed. I would not want to cause you any issues with Katie and Scott. You have a grandchild that would be affected by it more.

I know I did not fight for her but she could have told her ex to stay there. My feelings were not that strong at that time anyway. My brain works different than other guys or at least it used to. We would have started dating. No doubt. At least I thought we started that day. Later I figured it was the alcohol.

Just two weeks ago my friend was asking me about the girl I just dated. The one on happy pills I blogged about. I told her the story. She said if she was not dating so and so that she'd go out with me. Your nice and funny. Was she just being kind? I don't know. I went on a class trip last spring. We went by train. It was a 10 hour ride. I sat by this very friendly nice girl. We talked and goofed around the whole time. By the time we got there I was termed her official husband for the trip. We were having a smoke at the train station and she asked why I was single because I seem like a nice guy. I didn't say anything. I brush it aside. A few hours later I am in her hotel room with another girl and she asked the same thing. This time I said for obvious reasons but did not elaborate. The other girl said probably because of bitches. The whole trip was me and these two girls checking out all the sites. Both these girls had boyfriends. Both were very pretty but with great personalities. We went out drinking and then their was salsa dancing. When we got back home she invited me to a house party she was throwing. I never went. I've been down this road as the Platonic guy friend. I always feel like their gay hairdresser except I am very straight. It's not easy when you like the girl. I got tired of the why are there no nice guys out there but sorry you are really nice but I only see you as a friend.

If they are not train wrecks or on happy pills as I've posted as of late, this stuff happens. I get this kind of stuff once in a while from the opposite sex that don't normally look at me in romantic terms. I mean dating terms. Something of meaning. A desire to date because I'm worth it. I rarely ever get that vibe. The only options I normally have comes down to just a meaningless relationship with train wrecks with too much baggage where I end up being a therapist. Each time I think all they need is someone different. I figure I'm always called different. It never works out. I would rather have something of substance. It's always women that are taken that says these things. I don't understand that one either. If I'm all these thing then why is it so tough? I think I'm like a stick of chewing gum. The taste don't last. You get bored.

This is the irony in the life of a attractively challenged man. Girls I grew up with say the same thing. They remember me as nice, yadda, yadda etc. Me being funny did not happen until I grew older. I was shy and quiet back then. This is a curse. It's psychologically tormenting at times because every thing else is fine except where it counts. I'm not a sad person. Just given a sad situation to deal with. I do quit a lot because of it. I don't try. It's not easy always being alone in this way. Rejected but then teased like this. That's what it feels like to me. I've never known a normal healthy dating life. I blame no one. It is what it is.

At least I'm not considered a perv or jerk I suppose. There is a bright side. Focus on the bright side. I repeat. Focus on the bright side.

Is everyone on happy pills except me?

2011-12-14T11:40:00.010-05:00

The last girl I dated ended up being on them. I did not judge her for that. But boy did I make a huge mistake. I just got another email from her. It's been a month since we spoke off the Internet. It's been a month since I responded to anything. Each time she keeps on saying sorry for how she acted and she promises she will not email me again. Then when I don't respond I get a nasty email from her. If it were not for the sheer entertainment of it all I'd block her. It makes facebook exciting again. I just never know what type of email I'll get when I wake up in the morning or come home from work. It's fun like Christmas presents when you are a kid.

There is this girl I'm talking to now. Yep. You guessed it. She is on happy pills. Wants me to come over to watch a movie. Wants to go walking. That sounds oddly familiar. Oh yeah the last girl I dated. Same deal. Look how that turned out. She keeps on talking about her peaches and us making apple pie. I'm not going to lie. I play along. What's a little flirting or sexual innuendo gonna hurt? I'm not going to act. I don't think. It's not turning me on. It does not makes her anymore appealing. For one she takes happy pills. I learned my lesson. For two good conversation with light flirtation really turns me on. Women with trucker mouths do not. Maybe here or there but not really.

Then there was another girl. She fit in before the first girl I mentioned that I dated. There was something there. I didn't pursue it because she blew me off one day. I called her the night before to talk and to make sure if we were still on and she said yes but never showed up. Despite that we're always talking on facebook. You know those long nights where you message one another back and forth in between petting your sheep and whacking of mafia bosses? Thank goodness she did blow me off. She's on happy pills too. Nice girl. Very kind. We have the same nerdy in the closet interests like the unexplained and paranormal. Some things are too good to be true. I think I'll pass.

The moral of the story is I attract females that have severe depression. In a way you have to be nuts to date me. Maybe my Cologne interacts with the chemicals in their pills? It makes me irresistible. Haha, that was a joke. Laugh! Then again maybe its the fact they are mentally predisposed. In each case I end up being a therapist. Does that turn them on because they found a man that will listen? I always hear you are so real and different. Makes me feel like I'm there first imaginary friend where it feels like they are actually there. I've just been through a serious dry spell with women. I'm what you consider attractively challenged. Now all of a sudden they are popping up and popping pills.

This is just not funny

2011-12-13T14:56:00.011-05:00

When I seen this I got upset. Now It normally takes a lot to offend me. The only thing that usually offends me is bad body odor. I'm a politically incorrect person myself. I have in my time cross some lines. I'm not perfect. I usually bite my tongue. But that doesn't mean what I have said is not true. Truth can hurt. I'm straight forward if need be. There are lines I don't cross. This would be one of them. This is an example as to how cruel people can be to one another. No one can control the disposition they were put in life. They were born this way just like Lady Gaga sings. No one can create themselves at conception, in the womb or right after birth. These people right here if they had a choice would not want this. But yet they are still judged and put down for it. This is nothing to joke about. What if this were you or a loved one?

The web page I found this one had some really insensitive comments. What is wrong with people? If you find this funny at all you have some reall issues yourself. These are all comments from there. Not one single person said this was wrong.

my guess would be that mary is the class whore, So are you the teacher that molested all those kids with down syndrome?You Chester Molester, Me and Pete were out hitting up my ADD pills so that's why he's confused, I love the fact that two of them look like they don't know where they are, Oh wow, I laughed really hard. Does that make me a bad person D:!?, Hung Dong is probably not so hung, Hahahahahaha that is the funniest picture I have ever seen, Jesus you people never saw retards before??, lol. the one in the middle at the bottom is like "wtf?" , Beaker! Great shit, Hahaha beaker. I'd hit it, Late night with Confused Pete O'Brien! wow that was..retarded

HAPPY FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US!!

2011-12-12T12:41:00.005-05:00

Festivus is a secular holiday celebrated on December 23 as a way to celebrate the holiday season without participating in its religious pressures and commercialism. The holiday's celebration includes an unadorned aluminum "Festivus pole", practices such as the "Airing of Grievances" and "Feats of Strength", and the labeling of easily explainable events as "Festivus miracles". Celebrants of the holiday sometimes refer to it as "a Festivus for the rest of us."

Mute my playlist to learn the joy of the Festivus season

Define Necessity

2011-12-11T12:49:00.006-05:00

I'd say for the last six years I've been turned off by Christmas. I don't care for this time of year. There is just too much greed for material things. That's just not me. Every year I tell people not to get me anything. I don't want anything. I mean it. I'm not being the Grinch. I rather hibernate through this holiday season instead of listen to people talk about the meaning of Christmas and then watch them rush to the department stores. It's all about what you can get real cheap and how much they can profit. We're not teaching our children the right lesson when we spoil them with things. If it was up to me I'd take Christmas off the calendar. The ends to me simply do not justify the means. We don't deserve to be happy and merry. There are people in this world not even given basic human rights. Santa don't come for them. He should not come for us until we fix this. Now that's good will towards men. What sucks is I''m powerless to do anything when it's so simple.

*@%! your bleeping Policy

2011-12-10T01:57:00.008-05:00

I read this today on my works bulletin board

Effective immediately under NO circumstances is any employee except a site manager, operations manager or crew leader permitted to have a cell phone on site. We have a provision in the event of an emergency whereby the answering service can page the supervisor who will attempt to contact the employee. We will except NO excuses. Do not bring a cell phone on the premises at your work site. Failure to adhere to this policy will result to disciplinary action, up to a verbal and written warning. If this policy is continued to be violated it will lead to permanent discharge.

My exact thought was piss off. Then I laughed. I do not have a job were it's a danger to have your cell phone or even to be talking on it. This is just some douche bag protecting their job by creating things for them to do and enforce. It's call job security. Kind of like the people that tell you butter is good for you one year and then bad the next.

Listen here arm war chair chicken hawk that doesn't do shit. I come to work everyday. I do my job. I am an law abiding citizen. I pay my taxes. I don't do drugs. I don't drive drunk (Ok buzzed). It's will be a cold day in hell before I don't have my cell on me. You'll have to pry it from my cold dead hands.

Do me a favor. Take your policy. Shine it real nice and shiny. Turn it sideways. And stick it straight up your candy ass. Do you smell what the Phoenix is cooking? May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch area you cyst on the nut of a hog. This job is not worth it. I'm worth double the salary I'm getting. It fits with my college schedule. Your office is the most disorganized cluster fuck in the history of tightwads that strut around sniffing their own farts going "Oh that's lovely."

Hey kids? You listening? You think when you graduate high school all these stupid rules you have to follow will end? Think again. They get even worse and more childish. Your never free from this type of control. My advice to you is study hard. Get good grades. Go to college and major is something that will make you tons of money. If you do that and you get a position like this guy. Make sure you don't become a dick because someone will write a blog post about you. Or worse. Put cat poop in your coffee grinds and potatoes in your tail pipe.

Ok I ranted. I feel better =)

Tell me you don't see what I see and think the same thing?

2011-12-09T02:19:00.006-05:00

This is from my friends facebook

The hint: A guy would probably see it before a woman

Let it burn

2011-12-07T03:05:00.009-05:00

My entire life I have sat back watching people. I was shy growing up. That let me become aware of others in social settings. I took things in like a sponge. Because of that I became a very intuitive person. I have a sociological mind. Because of that I became very aware of myself with how I treat others.

My question is how can you self consciosly treat people like shit? Like they are nothing without feeling. No matter what the case getting yours is more important than thinking of others. No matter what the case putting them down or walking over them is more important. Why is treat others as you would want such a hard concept to understand? As I take in other people's stories or witness it for myself first hand, I've come to the conclusion I'm better off going about it another way. For my own sanity. I used to think we're all human but this last year that's evolved to yes we're all human but not everyone is right. I've realized we never really leave the playground as we grow older. It just gets more complex.

With all that being said I sadly have to admit because of these experiences I have somewhat become a judgemental blow hard. I'm not going to lie. I've said a few things. I'm not too proud of it but I have no second thoughts either. I've grown apathetic. That's something I thought would never happen. I generally care for people's feelings. My brain has become overloaded where it's on the fritz. Certain people's actions just strike me as incomprehensible to do to someone. Their lack of perspective is disheartening. It's not that I've taken the can't beat them then join them approach. I've learned to pick and choose who I am nice to or who I will do nice things for. In all honesty I don't always act on it like I used to. I don't regret it either. That's a huge change about me.

I have these moment where I don't want to save the world anymore. I don't want to be this voice of reason. I rather grab a box of popcorn and watch it burn. I'm tired of the selfish people, the liars, the two faced, the players, the bullies, the arrogance and the ignorance of it all. Those things are nothing I subscribed to in life. I've realized the world is never going to change. You have to. Some times you have to make the tough decisions to survive in your own little world so you can live in theirs. For better or for worse that's how I see it right now.

I'm a big believer in evolution. This is mine. I'm a creature of my habitat. I've become what society has spawned.

Daniel Craig on the Kardashians

2011-12-07T01:51:00.002-05:00

Guys are suck d*cks!

2011-12-04T14:45:00.005-05:00

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you. The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.” ~ Author Unknown

I'm sick of it always being the guys fault.

ENOUGH SAID!!!

Afghan woman sentenced for BEING raped

2011-12-03T01:04:00.007-05:00

You read the title of the post correct. Reading the paper today I read a short story of this Afghan woman who was raped by an relative. She was sentenced to 12 years for having sex out of wedlock. Afghan President Karzai is considering releasing her if she agree to marry the rapist. How just and nice of their president and the rapist for thinking up such a great deal. How romantic!!

This made me think of the complaining western cultured women do over western men and sexism. Will this story at least shut some of you woman up a bit because from where I am sitting you have it made. If that doesn't make you think then maybe you should check up on female mutilation in African Muslim countries. This is where they cut out the clitoris of woman and young girls so they don't enjoy sex.

With all due respect to my female counterparts I have to admit being a average typical guy that is more of a romantic than a perv I am getting sick and tired of your belly aching about woman's rights. The whole modern feminist prerogative has got to go. Some of you do not understand how easy you have it. You have human rights and dignity while some women do not.

I'll defend Muslim women and woman's rights in general as much as I will defend a divorced man who just lost 70 to 80 percent of his income to a vindictive ex-wife. It's about right versus wrong. Not gender versus gender. For example there are women strippers who do it for the money and guys who go watch. They are both wrong. So do me a favor and shut your pie hole wang chung. Perspective is great you know.

My friend posted this on her facebook today. She's going to make one guy very happy one day. She strong, independent and knows what is in front of her. All she has to do is go for it. There is no complaining from her about sexism or not being given a chance. She knows this is not the 1850s or 1950s. Western women have rights and many opportunities in the 21st century. This is not Afghanistan.

I'm sick of disloyal people

2011-12-02T15:30:00.004-05:00

It is true we are all human. But not every one is an douche bag. Mistakes are one thing if they are honest but being shady, cold and distant is no excuse. That just means you are an ignorant ass with your own personal agenda. You lack the inner strength and wisdom to figure it out on your own. You use people. You need them to stroke your ego. You use them as a form of temporary training wheels. You use them and their kind words than toss them aside.

What aggravates me is when you are there for someone. You listen to their gripes, fears and desires. You are there when they are at their worst. You are sensitive and intuitive enough to take notice of what is going on in their life. You realize the world does not revolve around you. You know this person needs a compassionate person in their life. You put your feelings aside. You put aside the troubles in your own life to help someone that needs you.

Then when you need them they are nowhere to be found. They make you feel like you are a bother. I've had way too many people like this in my life. I feel used, forgotten and foolish the rest of the time. You realize you've done nothing but waste your time trying to be a good friend to ignorances child. It's very easy to have a fuck them attitude after a while. It's easy to become a little bit more apathetic. It's very easy not to care after a while.

I don't know why but this annoys me

2011-12-01T15:07:00.002-05:00

You know the dish rack? It's where you place your clean dishes after you wash each one individually. Why would you ever put dirty dishes on this rack?! I've seen it where a bunch of clean dishes were on there like they were clean but they were dirty. It's for clean dishes!! Do you know the cross contamination that goes on here. You have filthy bacteria filled utensils, plates and cups in a place where clean dishes go. I don't have OCD or am I afraid or germs. My room sometimes looks like a tornado went through. I don't know why this bothers me so much.

Washing plastic forks and spoons. What's the point? The whole reason to have disposable forks and spoons is so you don't have to wash them. It's the lazy person's way to get out of washing regular dishes. It's fast and convenient. You just toss it in the garbage. All you have to do is wipe off the table. Shove the food in the fridge and that's that. If you want more forks and spoons go buy the normal kind!! What is next? Washing Styrofoam plates, bowls and cups!? You would think no big deal. Just toss it out yourself. It bothers me that much.

We all do this. Even I do. I do not like the sound of chips crunching as you chew. It's a normal thing. I can't hear myself doing it but still when I hear others it's like fingers scratching a chalkboard. It's the same thing to me as hearing someone smack their lips and lick their fingers as they eat. I just want to take that bag of chips and stomp on it until it's dust!! It's even worse when someone has dentures. Their chattering teeth add to the extra annoying sounds. I want to stick my hand in their mouth to take their teeth but leave the bag of chips for their torture!!

They can all go to He....

2011-12-01T01:19:00.002-05:00

To think I used to like Sean Hannity. I don't like Rush Limbaugh that much either. Chris Matthews and Keith Olberman stink too. Those are radio and TV personalities both Republican and Democrat. Or as I call them, "Repukes and Fullocraps." Bush can kiss my ass. So can Obama.

It comes down to money and who you know. Left versus right is something the powers to be use to divide the rest of us. While we are fighting amongst ourselves these blue blood corporate devils are stealing our country by passing shady bills, taking our rights, money and liberty.

Think about this. The Fullocraps are about entitlements. They take hard working tax paying dollars to fund their social programs to fund "their poor." More like votes. They don't care about the poor. They get rich if they are in power. All this does is break the middle class. The Repukes are about special interest groups and corporate lobbyists. They take our tax dollars to give to their rich buddies. They claim it helps the economy. All it helps is to keep the fat cat fat. The rich gets richer and the middle class gets poorer.

Does it matter who you vote for? You vote does not count. Voting for the lesser of two evils don't make a difference. Bush made mistakes and Obama is tripling them. Both got rich like a fat cat. The %1 in this country rules the %99 if you like it or not.

There is no competition or freedom of choice. We have more choice at Baskin Robbins with their 31 flavors of ice cream than we have to choose someone that would really make a difference. Washington is controlled by the same people with simply different letters after their name. They control the media on all fronts. All you can really change is your underwear. Even that may be regulated soon.

Let it play out.

2011-11-28T13:43:00.000-05:00

It's hard when people you know are arguing, fighting or splitting up. Either side might think you are picking sides because your hanging with them too. The truth is you like both sides and you are not picking either. You just like to get along with everyone.

You may be deemed two faced because they may think you are going to the other side to tell them what they said. The only thing you are doing is giving both sides advice from your point of view from what they tell you instead of judging the situation. It's not personal for you at all. It's slippery slope of a fine line you have to tread carefully. There is always a risk one side tells the other this is what you said. They could take it the wrong way. One side could paint it like you picked a side.

Each side is going through emotions, hurt feelings and their version of the story. The emotion and feelings do not affect you. The stories are hard because there can be many different versions. You can't really choose until irrefutable truth comes out. In the mean time you try to stay out of it or until one side eventually alienates you or pulls you in where you just had enough. You take a risk by being prematurely judgemental of one side. You could be wrong. They could both be wrong. Now you look like an ass. It was none of your business anyway.

It's hard when both sides start cliques. People peel off to either side. Friends are choosing friends and lines are being drawn. You end up standing in the middle. It's wiser to stay neutral. Be a friend, mediator or confidant to both sides even if they get mad. Usually the ones that are telling the truth will see what you are doing and appreciate it. Let it play out.

Black Friday

2011-11-25T21:01:00.009-05:00

For those who do not reside in the states Black Friday is the day after the American holiday Thanksgiving. It's retail oriented with stores having these deals on all sorts of merchandise. It's crazy. I've never gone all in all my life. Too many cars and people. I am a people person but I have my limits. I was in a Toys'R'us one holiday season and I wanted to start giving sweet chin music WWE Shawn Michaels style to kids and their parents. The rudeness and the inability to control your own children is appalling. It's amazing because I'm a docile person. My rage seems to come out when I'm behind a wheel or dealing with retail shoppers. I want to get there and get out. I'm your typical guy. What gets me about this day is it comes after one where we are supposed to be thankful for whatever we have in our lives. Our family, friends, job or just the position we are in life. The next day we're back to wanting more shit. Being the way we were the day before Thanksgiving.

Same thing happens the day before and after Christmas. Just as many or even more dipshits, crazyshits and dingbats. I made the mistake one year of forgetting a Christmas present for someone.

One year I ended up at Walmart. I was unaware it would be packed like it was. My first experience. Never again. I should have just told the kid Santa is dead. He and his sleigh crashed into a 747 en route to Oompa Loompa land. There was blood everywhere kid. Sorry. But at least you have the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. Oh wait I ran the Easter Bunny over this year. Sorry about that too. Oh yeah the Tooth Fairy is not real. You father in his pooped stained underwear smelling of garlic and cigar smoke slips that shinny nickle under your pillow. Now go eat your Brussels sprouts. Merry Christmas.

The saddest part to all this is the stampede of people each year that find way to literally crush others, run over them and push them out of the way. They push and shove, hoot and holler and pillage once the workers inside open the doors. People actually get hurt. Ambulances have to be called and the cops when arguments and fights break out. It has happened. I just read one today where another one occurred this year. It truly brings out the worst parts of humanity. Is that flat screen TV, Playstation 3 or Ipod really more important than someones well being? What if the guy only has one hand. He masturbates with that hand. What happens to him if you crush the only hand he has left. He gets great joy playing with himself? You just ruined his Christmas. Shame on you. lol

I really loathe this time of year. It's the one time where everyone says to have good will towards men but we nearly kill one another for that discounted digital Spongebob alarm clock. It's basically what we do all year around anyway. The difference is people are saying it instead of implying it under false pretenses to sound like they actually care. Bah humbug I say!!

Happy Football day!! I mean Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T17:16:00.007-05:00

I just saw a flock of geese go over head. Man they are annoying with all that honking. I wonder if the head geese leading the way ever goes, "Will you kids shut the hell up or I'm going to turn us around." If I had to listen to that all the way south I'd fly myself into a friggen building. LMAO

Train wrecks are fun to watch as long as you are not attached to the train. When is the next stop? I want off. Pretty sad these days you need to do a psychological evaluation and get blood work done on people before you date them. You don't want to ride in the same train car as me. You don't want that. I attract the dingbats and crazyshits. You'd be susceptible to unwanted, unwarranted and childish drama. My ex is really digging her own grave. Alienating her own friends and pissing off mine. Right now her friends are planing to go to the police to report her for harassing them. This girl is a delusional piece of work. No one is saying anything but she's going postal on everyone. I'm not even talking to her. Not even trying to contact her. It's been almost a month. She's still going. The only people I talk to are my friends Lynn, Laurie and Elizabeth. They are not her friends. In the beginning I did talk to a few of her friends but that was almost a month ago. They now know the truth. She messed up. She is messed up. I couldn't even tell you what exactly my ex is doing but it's bad. I don't know enough except a few details to even say. I know what she did to me. As I type I'm getting facebook messages I need to come to the police station with her friends. It is that bad. Let me tell you. I'm not going to. I'm just washing my hands to move on from this craziness. I really know how to pick them or is it you have to be nuts to date me? Think Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction. Yep that's my ex.

The Lions got their ass handed to them. Come on Miami. I can't stand Dallas. I'm not from San Francisco but tonight I am a 49er fan.

My Thanksgiving dinner consisted of sliced cooked turkey breast, instant mashed potato, whole kernel corn and pumpernickel bread. Most of my day has been pissing on the net. At one time in my life I came from a small family with a large extended family. We had a table for adults and a table for us kids. The family got older. All my grandparents have passed. My cousins grew up. Got married. Had their own kids. Are living all over the country. My Aunts and Uncles became grandparents. They go to their kids now. My father passed. My Nana died. My older sibling is married with a child 10 hours away. They haven't really been in my life. Too busy I guess. They are much older. The last seven years I've seen enough bars and restaurants on the holidays. You ever been at a bar Christmas eve? It's a sad lonely place full of drunks. An all you can eat food bar on Thanksgiving and Christmas does have it's benefits. What you lose in family and that intimacy holiday get together bring you gain in not having to cook or clean up afterwards. Except no left overs. That kind of sucks. I've accepted it. Guess it could be worse. It does suck. It is depressing. I know there are orphaned kids and the elderly stuck in rougher spots. My life is not easy because I'm still young enough. It is what it is. I hate this holiday season. I refuse to pay any attention unless I have to. It could always be worse.

I don't take facebook serious.

2011-11-20T18:57:00.028-05:00

Just saw a little old oriental lady chase a cat holding a butcher knife. She screamed at me, "You no worry. We no out of chicken." Ok, I'm going to subway

In sports when a guy takes a blow to the head other guys are like that sux. Any other time a guy take a blow to head the high fives never seem to stop.

Worst pick up line ever.. Hey you wanna get pregnant

F it. Who wants to play a game of battle shits?

I can't wait to get my sober on later because I'm getting drunk now

People are such idiots. They don't realize what they have that others will never have. They throw it away for nothing..... Man that half eaten red robin burger looked good. His girlfriend was good too.

It's what on the inside that counts. NO JOKE....... could you imagine a twinkie with no cream feeling? Imagine if you were dating a hollow Twinkie.

I just want to let people know that playing MW3 does not make you a veteran of the armed forces and your not entitled to a free donut at the gas station

I'm getting too old for this shit. I'm going to watch cartoons

I removed the other post because it had profanity in it! I am very sorry I don't roll like that..... FUCK I JUST STUBBED MY TOE

Watching Pearl Harbor right now and I just can't shake this awful feeling about it... The humanity of it all.... Ugh..... BEN AFFLECK REALLY SUCKS

WOW!! The snozberries actually taste like snozberries!! The dingleberries....however...

I wonder what the Oompa Loompa women looked like.

I have one friggen request.... Can we stop with the DUCK FACES in photos?!! At some point in your life you are just too old for that facial expression. Next time I see you I'm going to throw bread at you like I do the other ducks at the pond

Today I'm going to get into my birthday suit, dip myself in honey and run through a bee colony screaming, "Hey BooBoo, look what I found in the pickanick basket!"

Life sucks sometimes but at least I sill have my jazz fingers.........

Maybe everything will be better in Spaceballs 2: the search for more money? Because right now I'm combing the desert and "I ain't found shit."

I was just informed that girls check other girls out. God I'm such a lesbian. Wait did I just call myself a girl? Bartender ill have another. I think all women are bi-sexual. You have to buy them something to get sexual with them. I don't know but no restraining order yet. YES!!

The beers and jager is flowing. Time to break that annoying seal. Yes I'm broadcasting my urine flow. It is tmi but somewhere there is a morbidly obese person that cant reach the Fritos

My day just went from good to bad in 1 hr. It doesn't help matters much that I'm stuck on the road with a fist full of assholes. What is this; drivers school reject day

Some people wipe their ass up and down. I say wipe it side to side. Dare to be different.

Everything will be ok unless you have to tell your doctor your balls itch when you poop. Until then it's easy sailing in this game of life. And remember they do have cream for that

Hi =) I'm a sophisticated politically incorrect witty robot sent back in time to make one lucky lady laugh so hard she ends up farting at the same moment. Now if you will excuse me I must go put vix vapor rub on my privates and drink until my nose runs.

There are marshmallows in my fruit loops. Now that's classy. Pinky out

I wish I had Morgan Freeman doing narration of my life each morning. You know just sitting on a chair in the corner of my room doing his thing when hes sees me waking up

Facebook: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy

I feeling punchy today. Kind of like a toddler at a missile silo. I'm kind between the witty quips of Peter Griffin and the deep thinking of a philosopher. I think there for I shart; I shart there for I think. This is like the time me and James Woods gave Socrates an atomic wedgie.

Seriously fellas. When you comment on a girls photo with beautiful, wow or a smiley face please just come out and say you got a chubby. Women love it when you express your feelings.

Is the world spinning or am I? I feel like Spongebob and Patrick after a crazed filled night at Goofy Goobers

Come one, come all and get your drink on. You know where I'll be. If your a sociopath psycho killer I'm giving you an easy target of where a fresh body will be. A possibly slightly inebriated one but hey don't be a picky killer. I'll be like a whore. Really easy.

Come on MEN lets place our hands on our hips and strut into the den to drink the finest brandy, smoke the best cigars and pat one another on the back for being rulers of this world. HA HA HA... laugh with me.. HA HA HA

I got raw carrots and I am dipping them in sugar. I think I'm pregnant.

I'm peanut butter and your jelly. Let's make bread.....

I have a black belt. And I'm not afraid to hit you with it!

Drinking at the social club: 50 dollars
Being solicited by a Prostitute as I leave: 40 dollars
Not wanting disease or a burning sensation when I pee: Priceless

I am a huge advocate of teenagers waiting to have sex. I say wait until the tenth beer and then give it a go.

My take on news reporters in hurricanes: MCFFRRRY!! We know!! The weather is REALLY bad. No need to almost die over it.

I like to fart in the bathtub so the air bubble can tickle my inner thy up to the surface. Wow group tonight is awesome. Time for our group hug.

OMG if I hear the smurf theme song one more time I'm going to put my smurf up their ass.

Why does every day feel like Bill Murray's groundhog day wearing different clothes except I don't learn anything?

I shall be drinking at the most classy place tonight. Wet willy-a-thon at 9. Belching contest kicks off at 10 pm. Wedge pull at 11. Drag the drunk out the door at midnight. Pinky out!

You ever fart in your sleep so loud it wakes you up and in the frenzy you grab a baseball bat and destroy the shit out of your lamp? Yea, me neither.. just wondering

To be announced is on. Now that sounds interesting.

Seriously? Really? Are you friggen kidding me? I don't believe you. SANTA IS REAL DAMN IT!!

Train wrecks are fun to watch as long as you are not attached to the train. When is the next stop? I want off. Pretty sad these days you need to do a psychological evaluation and get blood work done on people before you date them.

I just saw a flock of geese go over head. Man they are annoying with all that honking. I wonder if the head geese leading the way ever goes, "Will you guys shut the hell up or I'm going to turn us around" because if i had to listen to that all the way south I'd fly myself into a building.

I just read NBC wants to remake the Munsters. Isn't there already a show where the family is made up of utterly clueless monsters? You know the Kardashians?

Nothing like locking eyes with a deer as you both go "Oh shit" at 50 miles an hour.

I have the opposite attitude of Glenn Miller today. I'm not in the mood. This is not love that I'm feeling. I think it's the male version of PMS. I just yelled at an elderly man for being old and a toddler for being short. I'm on a rampage. I'm now going to rip the tags off my mattresses and drink milk out of the carton. After that I'm going outside to toss every ones chairs from their parking spots. Then to top it off I'm going to church to play the organ. Each time the penguin says hell I'm busting out come on baby light my fire.

Don't ya hate it when the straw stirrer goes up your nose?

Wow, all those GI JOE and knowing is half the battle moments is starting to pay off..... See you do learn something from blowing shit up. GI JOOOEEE!

I still like sprinkles on my ice cream and I watch spongebob..... *singing* I'm a goofy goober and I know it

I'm watching class Godzilla and there is this Japanese officer named. Captain Undeegutchie That's not Japanese. Its fruit of the loom

I had an early visit last night from three Christmas ghosts from the past. The first one kept on going nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. The second one kept on hitting me in the face with a pie. The last one kept on calling me a wise guy. I didn't learn anything but how to block an eye poke.

Deck the halls with balls of rolly.. Fa ra ra ra fa ra ra ra

I'm going to try to channel a George Bailey moment on Christmas eve. I''m going to run up Broadway saying Merry Christmas to everything. "Merry Christmas crack house!! Merry Christmas you lovely whore house!! Merry Christmas place that used to sell guns! Merry Christmas Tina you one eyed slut! Merry Christmas Tina the one eyed slut's pimp Rayray!!

When life is one big bag of farts, put on a gas mask.

snarted....... Sneezed and farted. I'm seeing colors. In the process i think I sharted. Thank goodness I keep an extra pair of drawrs on my head

I'm getting my sober on now.
There has to be some secret deviant society out there like the one in the Matt Damon movie the adjustment bureau. Because there shouldn't be this much traffic at 3am.

Hey? Can I call you on the phone later so I can talk creepy and breathe real heavy?

The count at Hooters: I see two boobies.. hahaha... I see four boobies hahaha.... I see six boobies... hahaha.... I see nine boobies.... hahah wha.....??? Omg I have to text Elmo. There is a chick at hooters with three boobies... hahahaha!!!

Joseph went on Maury. He was not the Jesus's father. Mary is distraught.

Watching Wizard of Oz on TNT. Does that make me less manly? What if I start building a work bench for tools or walk around with my hands on my hips smoking a cigar while holding a glass of brandy going, "Hahaha I have a penis!!" as I watch. Will that help?

Nothing says have a very redneck merry Christmas with gifts from the dollar store.

I miss the days of rock cutting with my boy Fred Flinestone. Yabba Dabba doo mother f'ers. Yabba Dabba frigggen Doooooooo!!

Trying to drown out one dumbass at a time

Damn it. I can play around with my profile putting funny thing except my relationship status other than widowed. Damn you facebook. It's not completely sarcastic and witty compliant!!

The employees down at the driver license center don't have a soul or a sense of humor. I felt like Beettlejuice sitting there with my number. It was like being at a funeral or a fart contest gone horribly wrong. I bet if I showed them my picture they'd laugh

Other people's quotes that define me

2011-11-20T04:12:00.017-05:00

I made this post over a week ago. I keep on finding more quotes that define me. They are how I feel. They will tell you more about me far better than I could blog about myself. I've added more. Before it was 8 of my favorite quotes that define me. It grew to ten. That's a good number to stop at. I will make other blog posts with ten more as I come across more quotes. I have a lot to say about myself but I am having a hard time blogging about it. Things are going on in my life I want to get off my chest. Including the past. I have these feelings and new thoughts I never had before. I'm looking at things differently. I held back a lot out of not wanting to air what embarrasses me. Even though this is blogging and I am anonymous I am a private person. Even in this setting I don't want to say what is really on my mind. I don't want to sound like I'm belly aching. I don't know if I just can't formulate it or I just don't want to. I have all these thoughts in my head. I don't know where to start.

I stopped doing this blog over 6 months ago. I started it in 2009. I came back and deleted many old post. Deleted all comments. In that 6 months I changed. What I read was ridiculous to me. It was stranger. Prior doing this blog I was emotional most of the time as I went about it. Life was really rough. It still is but I deal with it differently. I've accepted a lot of what I fought against. I do want to re-blog prior posts about myself. I don't know how to do it without sounding emo or suicidal. I am not. I'm not fine. Life sucks sometimes. I take it day by day.

Expressing used to be easy. Now it's complicated because I'm different.

"I have an unfortunate personality." ~ Orson Welles

"A clever, ugly man every now and then is successful with the ladies, but a handsome fool is irresistible." ~ William Makepeace Thackeray

"I have a dream. That one day I will not be judged by my appearence but by the content of my character." ~ MLK, Jr

“When you're different, sometimes you don't see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn't.” ~ Jodi Picoult

"We only become what we are by the radical and deep-seated refusal of that which others have made of us." ~ Jean Paul Sartre

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” ~ Jodi Picoult

“Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” ~ Bruce Lee

"Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge." ~ Plato

"Without deep reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people. ~ Albert Einstein

"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do" ~ Steve Jobs

"According to society, I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think, I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech, and freedom of choice. I'm the kinda guy that likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with the side-order of gravy fries?" I want high cholesterol! I wanna eat bacon, and butter, and buckets of cheese, okay?! I wanna smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section! I wanna run naked through the street, with green Jell-O all over my body, reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly may feel the need to, okay, pal? I've seen the future. You know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin, sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, and singing, "I'm an Oscar Meyer wiener." I'm sorry to say that the world has become a pussy-whipped, Brady Bunch version of itself--run by a bunch of robed sissies. I'm no leader. I do what I have to do--sometimes people come with me." ~ Edgar Friendly (Dennis Leary in Demolition Man)

She's nuts

2011-11-17T15:14:00.006-05:00

I was smothered with constant emails and texts. We'd spend time together and then when I got home I'd have this long email to read. This happened a lot. She kept on talking about wanting to know my feelings and stuff. Kept on telling her I liked being around her because she was easy and laid back. It was never good enough. She was stressing me out. There was nothing to question. She ended up being a total wack job with so many insecurities. I don't like conducting relationships with social networking but I was forced into it when I did not respond because she was upset about it. I'd talk to her in person, respond to her text and then get these long emails everyday. It was too much. Then the nasty emails started.

A few days after we broke up she was making out with a guy at my Fire Department club's Halloween party. I did not know about that. While she was doing that she was trying to make up with me and hanging on me and trying to kiss me. Thankfully I have some decent people in my life that let me know about this. Firefighters usualy are. At that point I forgave and was willing to give it another go because she at least understood what she was doing to me and how she was acting. When those people told me I had enough. The whole night my friend Lynn was my savior pulling me away when she was cornering me. By the end of the night I had enough of her. She would not leave me alone. I caused a scene. No regrets here.

After that I received more nasty emails from her saying all the things she said to me was a lie. She said some mean things about the people at the club that let me know about her loose lips. We were no longer together. It's the principle of it. You fed me all these lines in the beginning, said nasty things to me when I wanted out, kissing another guy and when you see me you want to make up. After that the emails and text were none stop. One thing she told me was to ask my friend (I use that term lightly now) that set us up where she was one night. She fooled around with him. He's married. Then she goes in stalker mode trolling facebook and getting on other people accounts to contact me since I blocked her. I blocked all her friends that contacted me.

This went on for weeks. Last night her friend emailed mine about all this. This is a very close friend. I inserted Phoenix Rising where my name was.

John: Lynn Its Stacy I'm sorry about all this Jen is nuts she got on my fiance name and wrote that on ur pic. She is so worried about Phoenix Rising all the time. And if she don't get thru to him she goes on other peoples pages. There was nothing I said I don't know Phoenix Rising and I have no reason to say mean things to or about him. Sorry about this

Lynn: I will tell Phoenix. Thx.

John: Tell ur husband too I don't want them to hate me over this little kid stuff or my fiancé and I think she deleted u from my friend list

Lynn: I will let my husband know

Then I get this which is nothing but more lies from her

Well i am goin waste 5mins of my time and your....i just feel the need to say sorry for things i said n did..was pretty shady of me and thats not me..i don't care what u think bout me nor say but there were things u were misinformed bout n just pissed me off n made this whole situation worse cuz u didnt care to hear the truth..yet u believe ur he said she said crowds esp the people that don't like me so lol course they would lie..but whatever idc bout that anymore u have ur mind set bout who i am n thats cool.but i knw sorry wont take back what i said nor did but i am sorry..not askin nor wanting us to be friends again i am over it and trust me dan when i say this i wasnt in love with u jst got ahead of myself..but its cool i def knw not to belike that again..i have alot to work on yep iknw n deff keepin men outta my life for good haha well whatever i made this to long opps..maybe one day u will actually reply to me n listen to me..but ur a good guy despite the rude shit i said..well hope to hear from u some year..have a great nite ...

Oh she was not done

Ur really funny jst thought u should knw that. Wish u would talk to me like a big boy and try to put this behind us n jst be friends only...dont want anything more from u nor any other man..i do kinda miss ur sarcasm n watchin munsters..dont drink anymore so lol dont miss that..ok i will shut up now n quit asking guess if u wanna be normal again u will let me knw..put shit n past n give me another chance as Friends!!!! not like u will call lol but i am the type of person who gives 2nd chances knw matter what..but lol thats me not u i knw....k goodnitedan..sorry i admit i miss u cuz u made me laugh ...k bye

Yeah 2nd chances my ass

And then she snaps because I don't respond

God u fuckin knew i would be there n now i knw it was those assholes who told u shit bout me n Ryan!!!! wish i wasnt n them tell her to delete the fucking pics the fucking trouble making 2 faced drunks that they are...."she" lmao like i dont know who ur talkin bout....Lynn dont want me to put her shit on blast on fb so i suggust u guys delete that off n get the pics of me near ur ASS

fuck it u dont deserve me to b nice nor respect u..i dont care what ur wanna b friends think of me esp fucking Laurie...fuck her..lmao look at her n her pos life she looks like a fuckin retard on crack can we say get a makeover....fuck you all now u fuckin pissed me off i wish i did fuck Ryan n all the other lies ur cunts told u...whatever!! u arent any better asshole..

OH n feed the fuckin oreos to Lynn with her flabbie ass stomach that she has!!!! Least i am losing mine n not goin be a fuckin fat ass!!! ur jst a coward that cant face mee and say this to my face...least i could...now go fuck ur whore amber (I have no clue who she is talking about. I don't know any Amber) lmfao even though she said ur not her type...thats cuz ur nobodys type except lmao Laurie nasty lookin thing.

I responed with what she said

"Well i am goin waste 5mins of my time and your...i wont say anymore after this thats a promise..i just feel the need to say sorry for things i said n did..was pretty shady of me and thats not me. maybe one day u will actually reply to me n listen to me..but ur a good guy despite the rude shit i said..well hope to hear from u some year..have a great nite ..."

That sent her off and the truth came out

Ummm again bout Tony the married man get over it..he came to me so wtf wheres his morals asshole?! ...its cool i will tell his wife if it makes u feel better that he came over and did what he did would that make u happy since u cant get over that. pos asshole trust me i am the asshole for ever liking u and meetin u thats all...i dont treat anyone like i treat you i treat them bettr

I then sent her an email on mulitiple personality disorders

Ok ok ok,, ur point has been made ok!!! wtf u act like i am the only one that has problems i knw i fuckin do asshole i said that to u b4... i am fucked up ok u HAPPY!! IS THAT WHAT U FUCKIN WANNA HEAR.....JESUS CHRIST U HAVE NO FUCKINN CLUE WTF MY LIFE HAS BEEM LIKE SO FUCK U AND JUST STFU AND STOP SAYIN THIS AND SENDING ME SHIT!! IT DOESNT HELP!!!!

I finally responded

I don't deserve your abuse one bit. I WAS nothing but nice to you the ENTIRE time. YOU KNOW THIS but still you go on facebook painting me as something I am not. Crying to your friends how I wronged you, NO. YOU WRONGED ME. You send me nasty emails and poking fun at personal stuff I felt comfortable telling you because I thought you were genuine. You ADMITTED you messed up before you went on this rant but now I'm the asshole because you hurt me. Because I won't respond. You drag people into your world as victim but really you are messed up in the head. The reason I do not call you, come see you and do it this way is because you don't deserve it. Your a player with a split personality. I don't want to babysit that or deal with it. The meds you take are not helping you. I accepted you for that without judging but I was wrong. I'm not shallow. But now I see sometimes you have to be. Will you please leave me alone?

She calmed down

Ok again point has been made yay I'm fucked up and I have issues ummm we covered that already...and again i knw i have problems n thats why i choose to be alone from now on...i have a friend that i talk to n hang out with and we have fun cuz theres no connection like that so its good and plus i told him allllllll about me and my issues and hes ok with it

Then she got mad again over someone named Amber?

Lol yep most deff i will leave you alone ur not worth shit good bye. K amber lmao biggest whore around...lol enjoy that one

I asked

who is amber?

She never answered my question but she did say this
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ur dead to me go away. Just be careful ur day will come very soon when u are here n town :) k heres my black roses for u @---- @---- @----- @------

It was like dating a teenager. She was three years older. You can tell by the way she writes. She was a grown woman with a teenagers mind. No surprise since she never graduated high school. But that's another thing like the meds I did not judge her on. Stupid me!! Her real personality slowly started coming out the more comfortable she got with me. These are not even all the emails. I'm not posting all the love letters and long emails I got talking about my pheromones and other way too personal things. I now know what Michael Douglas character felt like in Fatal attraction. EEEssh!!

I am always the frog. Never the prince. When someone is interested in the frog they have more issues than a one legged man entering an ass kicking contest. That's my credo on dating. It holds true each time. This experience took me from wanting to finally meet someone of substance to not wanting anyone and perfectly content in that. FUCK IT!!

I don't play that

2011-11-16T15:15:00.007-05:00

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. The shame on me hasn't happened in years. I'm like Homey the clown from the TV show in living color. I don't play that shit. I'm smarter than you. My brain cells could dance around yours drunk and I'd still out wit you, think you and put on a better shadow puppet show.

I am beginning to question the authenticity and longevity of being nice at all. It's become pointless this day and age. I should tap into my Italian heritage and start whipping people with wet noodles and go around saying, "Why you bustin my balls" in every conversation. That's it. I want to operate and own a cement business.

When people are only out for the is own gain these days. What is the point? When people mistake your kindness for weakness and try to pull a fast one. What is the point? It's unfortunate these people act that way. If they were just honest people it would make things a lot easier. We could get somewhere together. Instead you chose to be a douche bag.

It's not Happy Valley any longer

2011-11-12T15:56:00.002-05:00

Scandal rocking Happy Valley the home of the Penn State Nittany Lions in Pennsylvania. Long story short they had a coach that molested some young children. One coach saw the other molest a ten year old boy in the shower. He told head coach Joe Paterno. Joe Paterno told the president of the college. Nothing was done. Both coaches followed the chain of command but neither did the right thing by going to the police. Joe Paterno is a legend there. 84 years young. Been at Penn State for 61 years. The board of trustees has since removed Joe Paterno as head coach, the president and a few others. There were riots on campus because of the removal of the beloved coach. A media fire storm has been going on all week. They knew of this since 1998. They made the coach retire but still brought him back for football camps. There was a two year investigation going on. Finally someone said something.

I can never put my head into one of a pedophile. I saw a midget porn before and I was freaked out, lol. It was an average sized man and a little person. All I was thinking was she looked like she was a little girl. I felt violated that day. I could not watch it. Not that I wanted to or was looking for it. It was thrown in my face without warning. What exactly is wrong in your head to even be like that? In this case it was ten year old boy. A child. How is that even remotely a turn on? I'm a huge advocate for castration for crimes like this. I've known guys that had sex with 17 year old girls. I don't have a problem with that. I can understand the turn on there because I am still a guy no matter how much of a sap I am over being a pervert. I never have though. The guy was 24. It's not like she was 13. She was almost 18. A legal adult. But a child? The act is disgusting. What is worse is people knew and did nothing.

Grrrr!!!

2011-11-10T15:06:00.002-05:00

I'm always removing knives from my back. But yet I can't think what I have done to deserve it. If someone can point out the errors of my ways I'd appreciate it. Any first person stories that don't involve Crisco? You want me to end up on Nancy Grace or are you training me for Armageddon? Because part of my evolution of late with my character and personality change is due to being fed up with it. I do not know what my rep has been my entire life. I'd like to think I'm pretty easy to get a long with. I'm told that I'm funny, very laid back, straight shooter and sometimes sweet. When I run into people I use to know back in the day it's always kind words and good vibes. There should be no worry as to what my intentions are. I can be trusted. There are no stories of me to even think otherwise. For some reason I can't shake this feeling I've known one too many shady, selfish, shallow and ignorant blowhards. Their idea of respect is what they can get, who can they can screw and how good they look while doing it. There is not many leaves left to shake from my tree.

Now you have enough change

2011-11-08T12:42:00.004-05:00

You ever been at a vending machine and not have enough change to get a Pepsi or a candy bar? I've been there. You can really go for that Pepsi. You need some caffeine and you need it stat. That snickers bar looks really good. You are having a sugar rush. That is where I come in. When ever I have change in my pocket you will find me putting it in a vending machine. I'm talking 10, 15, or 20 cents. When I get change back from using the vending machine I put it back in for the next person. I want change in my life. Just not in my pocket. What can I do with 20 or 25 cents. Sure I can save it up for the time but do I really need all that Pepsi and snickers? I could save it for something else. I would probably use it on something stupid anyway.

Next time you come across a vending machine and you see someone put some change in already.... think of me. It might have been me. I do that with parking meters as well. Compliments of your friendly neighborhood Phoenix Rising. I'm glad I could help.

So is this life I suppose

2011-11-08T01:45:00.001-05:00

Deleted this by accident when I was cleaning out my blog.

Kids can be cruel, teenagers can be insensitive and your peers can be ignorant. People across the span of your life can be quite apathetic. A person is only in control of their own destiny if society doesn’t play a role in making that person. Not everybody is a given a choice. Some people live an entire life reacting to things they did not ask for. These things will never be in their control.

But still they are expected to take it all in stride because that’s the cards they were dealt. Like religion it’s forced masochism. It is almost as though the cruelty, insensitivity and ignorance nullifies the fact that systematically though one person’s life people or groups of people can push that individual so far away that eventually they purposely starting pulling themselves away.

In the end the individual is to blame for any attitude or action taken. The finger is pointed in their direction even though those who point do not see three more pointing back at them. Society has to uncanny knack to make villains out of what they conjure. The individual is responsible for themselves untimely but they only share half blame with a society who makes them.

Life is about choices. It’s about having those choices. Some have many to choose from while the rest decide if they’ll wake up tomorrow. They know they have to be someone they don’t want to be, react to things how they don’t want to and accept being in the card game they did not choose. Life for some people feel like a bad hand dealt by someone stacking the deck. There is nothing you can do.

These individuals continue to suffer as society keeps moving forward. Parts of society and people for that matter are cruel in their ways, insensitive with their words and ignorant with their actions. Kids, teenagers and peers do not realize the damage they place upon the individual. They leave rings like an aged tree that are visible when you cut it open but hidden when you don't.

I am all I have

2011-11-07T14:05:00.014-05:00

I never had support growing up. I was taken care of. I had a roof over my head. I had clothes and there was always food. I grew up what could be best described a s working poor blue collar family. The support I speak of is moral support. I never got at a boys or good job. It was strict upbringing where I always felt I was not good enough. I was never a kid that was in trouble. I was not always perfect. Nothing was intentional. Worst thing I did was drive without a license. I made mistakes. I acted stupid but not out of ignorance. I was never a druggie. I underage drank though.

Looking back I was crying for help. I've never had what you could consider close friends. I've always been alone trying to figure life on my own. I was bullied a good bit as a child and was a source of teasing as a teenager. I've never been what you consider attractive. By my middle teens I remember feeling old mentally and when my dad became terminally ill around fourteen it was already too much to deal with. I already been through a lot. Helping him off the toilet daily was not helping. It made puberty harder. Between the bullies, teasing and rejection from the opposite sex I never felt like I belonged.

The only thing that got me through things were Clark Kent, sports and my sense of humor. From my early childhood with bullies I grew a fondness for Superman. I could have become miserable or mean but my own experiences thus far taught me to be someones hero. A friend, a voice, ear or shoulder to save people from that moment where they feel lost and alone. That's something I carried into my adult life. I love the true blue heroes like Robin Hood. Looking back I wasted time on caring about other people's feelings while fighting my demons. I forgot about me. I did not fight for me.

I've never been content in my life. I've had moments of extreme gut busting laughter but I don't remember ever being happy. I've never had a true friend, a voice, a ear or shoulder to lean on. I don"t have a support structure. I know a lot of people but that's where it ends. I've always been told I'm a nice guy or a straight shooter but I've also been pushed away to the point I don't let anyone close. I pull away. My family is a shell of it's former self with three people. One of whom don't come around. My holidays are depressing. I've realized all I have is me, my thoughts and that voice we all have inside. That's my support.

I've always gone it alone. I'm not that kid anymore. It's been a long time since I was. I'm not who I was a year ago. I've accepted a lot of it now. I have all these bad memories. I walk around with this empty feeling. I just wish I had that support. I wish I had a go to person or a strong group of friends. A actually strong knit family to lean on. I've never had that. Just brief moments it seems but even that I am not sure of. I have my own ways of dealing. I know it could be a lot worse. =) I know someone is dealing with worse. =(

The change in me

2011-11-04T14:44:00.001-04:00

It's messed up how ignorant and insensitive people are too one another. Ever hear of treat others as you would like to be treated? We all have flaws both inside and out. Nobody was able to create themselves. We can control whats on the inside for the most part but its on the outside that we sometimes can't. And sometimes that outside controls the inside because how ignorant and insensitive people can be. If your not down with that I got two words for you...

People said I've changed. I have. In good ways and sadly also in bad ways. I'm not as nice as I once was. More so in thoughts but sometimes in action. I admit it. It's not a plan. It just happens. You can only take so much you know? Here's the truth. I stopped letting people push me around all the time. I learned that you can't always be happy. I accepted the reality of what I've always been from my childhood to now. Stereotyped based on shallow reasons.

I do not forgive people because I am weak. I forgive people because I am strong enough to know someone is getting it worse. I do forgive but I will never forget. Up to the spring of this year I always walked around with that awful feeling you have right before you cry. It was like taking constant blows to your stomach. I clouded it with my sense of humor for many years. My entire life. I never was one to go why me. Despite things I was always happy go lucky guy.

The last few years I've been walking around in this fog. I repressed a lot in my life. It finally caught up to me. I was tired of being put down for what I can't control. Not just from people but societies straight forward message as to how I should be and what I should look like. I still have my bad days. I'm not out of this. I don't expect to ever be rid of this. The world is never going to change. I'm only able to change what's on the inside. That's not as easy as hitting the gym. I'm trying.

The torment by God on man

2011-11-02T01:07:00.022-04:00

That feeling you think you have in your heart that is love for your God is merely disguised fear of the ultimatum. You either love and worship me to spend your after life in peace or go burn and scream in agony for eternity. I am speak of the Christian God. Yep that's their idea of love and compassion. You could live a decent life but because you do not believe you are going to hell. A place God created. A murderer can repent but you are going to hell my friend. They don't give you much proof other than ancient texts written by unknown authors. The book itself reads like Greek mythology. You better believe with all your heart without question or else. That's how it goes.

There is nothing mysterious about God. It's straight up fear mongering. It's hypocrisy smothered in indoctrination from birth by over worked and undersexed blowhards. They love talking about sin and hell when they are not talking about how much God loves you. I grew up in it. I know. It's a system set up for you to fail. They tell you God created you for a purpose. God has a plan. Before you know it your plan was to suffer for no apparent reason. You were also born with original sin. You have to spend the rest of your life trying to repent for that. Maybe you were born gay. You did nothing wrong. Now you have to apologize for how God made you. They tell you to pray. For what? God should pray to you.

There is torment by man on man and then there is torment by God on man.

THE TORMENT BY MAN ON MAN (Things were it is our fault. We can control and fix this)

Hunger, Poverty, Disease, Slavery, Torture, Violence, Perversions, Addictions, Transgressions, Hate, Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Genocide and War to name a few.

The Christian God has a plan for you. The Christian God works in mysterious ways. It’s by the grace of the Christian God that things happen. A Christian God knows all. The Christian God is omnipotent. The Christian God is powerful. The Christian God is loving, fair and infallible.

THE TORMENT BY GOD ON MAN (Burdens God place on man. Judges on how you take it)

Genetic birth defects inward and outer ranging from mental retardation, physical handicaps, missing limbs/organs, bacteria diseases and ugliness to name a few.

The torment by the Christian God on man can lead man to sin. The world is a cruel and ignorant place of unfair judgments for being different in both looks and demeanor. God does not help much with the burdens placed upon some due to genetics. In his ALL POWERFUL wisdom you'd think he would realize this but still makes the beasts to be dominated by the beauties. But you better love him for it.

God is the number one dead beat dad backed up on child support. They say God made man in his image. In that case God is as flawed as the rest of us. Is there a place in hell for the Christian God? There should be. I'm an atheist. Your god in a dick.

Impressing on others

2011-10-31T14:13:00.003-04:00

My friend said she tries to hard to impress people.

I told her its not worth the trouble this day and age because people are only impressed by those that have something they don't. There are people that are impressed by others due to envy and jealousy. It's not who you are. It's what you are. It's what you have. Such as attractiveness, talent, money or a prestigious job that brings power. We live in a time where the sweat on your brow and honesty in your heart doesn't matter much. It's what you do and what you can do for them either personally or in their mind.

I used to care what people thought of me. Growing up I thought if I played all these sports I would be accepted. Later in life I thought If I went to all the parties hanging out with the crowd I would not feel like such an outsider. My whole youth and into my twenties was me trying to find a place to belong. It felt like I was chasing after a ghost.

I have scars. I have wounds that will not heal. I have memories. I have regrets. I'm am not that person any longer. I don't care to say or do what is popular. Even today I feel like an outsider unable to find my place but I learned you either stand for something or fall for everything. Nothing is accomplished by riding the fence because your afraid to be judged.

You still have a soul. But you don't have a mind.

OH shut up =)

2011-10-29T14:03:00.003-04:00

And let the bitching about the weather begin. HELLO? Did you just move to this area? This happens here. We have this thing called SEASONS. You know. Spring with rain, summer with heat, fall with falling leaves and WINTER weather that has this thing called SNOW. Oh it's rains too much. Oh it's too hot. Oh I'm tired of bagging leaves. Oh I hate the snow. With all sincerity I say OH SHUT UP! =)

The one girl is always going I want to move to where there is a beach because she hates cold weather. MOVE!! If it's such a bother move or zip your lip. You would think since you lived here your entire life experiencing this amazing thing called SEASONS these people would be use to it. It's the same people each year. Each season they have to complain about the weather. It's never perfect.

I love the spring with it's thunderstorms and all the fresh smelling flowers with it's nasty thunderstorms. I love the summer with it's high heat that brings excuses to eat more ice cream and the smell of freshly cut grass. I love the fall with how the leaves change all sorts of different colors. I love winter with it's snow storms and clear luminescent night skies that reflect off the snow.

Hello faceboogers

2011-10-29T11:44:00.005-04:00

I'd have to say some people take facebook waaaaaay too seriously. You can't base friendship or someones character off social networking, lol. This holds true if the only reason you are friends with them on facebook because you have so many mutual friends so you added one another. Things like cleaning out your friends list because they never posted anything on your wall or just deleting someone because you don't like what they said because their political or religious views are not yours. That has only happened to me twice. Unfortunately those two are no longer with us. Muahahahaha. Seriously though lighten up. If we'd stick a lump of coal up your ass in ten days we'd have a diamond.

I've only deleted and blocked a few people but I had good reason. One ex-wife and recently one ex-girlfriend. Also a few of their friends that only added me because I was with them. I knew they would tell them if I said anything on facebook. Not just about us but what I was doing and who I was with. Rarely do I post those types of thing anyways. The other day I posted this. Want to have a great time? Strip down to your birthday suit. Smother yourself in honey. Run through a bee colony screaming, "Hey BooBoo!? Look what I found in the pickanick basket." Yogi Bear is smarter than the average bear.

Many people on facebook are overly sensitive with what they read. If you are sarcastic or funny that can make people think you are mean. You better watch how you type things. Make sure you put large LOL or J/K after. If they know you well you should be able to get away with it. I only add people who request me because they read something on someones wall that made them laugh. I cut up on facebook all the time.

They also turn it into a social status as to how many friends they can have. It's like a high school in the virtual world with cliques. If they don't like you what you say you are out. Some people turn facebook into a dramatic attempt to matter.

Some people's kids!

2011-10-27T12:14:00.010-04:00

People for the most part suck. They are so wrapped up in their world that they squash others to full fill themselves. They walk all over anyone they can. They can be so insensitive. They can be selfish. The ends only justify their means.

I think at this point I am just going to swear off people. Especially the back stabbers, liars, drama queens and drug induced. Someone always has to drag you down with their shit don't they? I'm for good times like friggen pony rides and one legged ass kicking contests. I'm for free balloons for the kids and beer for the adults. I want to start a food fight around priests that are decked out in white damn it. I want to get naked, smother myself in grape jelly and jump on giant pieces of toast. I want to expose my junk on the plaid glass window at the old folks home. Ok maybe not. I don't need another restraining order but anyway some people's kids!

Its amazing at how many douche bags I've let into my life. And I'm the dumbass that allows it. I just have to see the good people don't I. I've learned that this is a strength as much as a weakness because it blinds me from seeing all of them. No one is perfect including me but there are lines people should not cross. These life experiences with these dumbasses have finally started to change me.

‎Sometimes your best quality of having a big heart can be the same as your worst quality but only when it's in the hands of the wrong people..Never change your heart for anyone. Just change your mind about who you open it up to. <---- That sound great. That's something I would have said was true before. Not any more.

It's making me want to walk around blasting Darth Vader's imperial march.

Texting and social networking

2011-10-24T15:53:00.011-04:00

I don't understand why some people can't tell you things in person. They need to use social networking serving as this barrier from human emotion and experience. Communication is more than words. It's facial expressions. At least in a phone call you can hear the other person's voice. Using social media and texting for something important is a cowards way out of having someone look you in the eye. I don't understand why they'd expect you to be that way either. Especially when you say you don't operate that way. Then use the same social networking to rant about it. They look like a fool. They make you look bad. It's dumbing down human reaction to one another.

I am considering getting rid of my text message option and deleting my facebook. We're beginning to rely too much on technology to run from and circumvent the unpleasant moments of life. I feel it also pushes aside the pleasant intimate moments that bond two people. It the ones that can make friendship closer or make the other fall in love. We're forgetting how to talk to one another. That's very important. That's communication. Not texting or social networking. If I become cut off from the world so be it. I rather be aloof to all of it instead of standing in a room with a bunch of people talking to one another from cell phones and ipads. Some things in life are not worth the hassle to deal with.

At least the breakfast hit the spot

2011-10-22T12:58:00.001-04:00

This day started off bad from the word go. Woke up with a bad case of acid reflux. I went to bed at 2am. I worked until 1230am. I had to be up by 8 am and out the door. My girlfriend (yes I have one of those now) and I were going to grab some breakfast. It must have been drivers school reject day. I was stuck on the road going and coming with a fist full of assholes. Behind the wheel I am like Mr. Hyde. People drive like idiots.

I pick her up and she tells me her ex boyfriend was texting her at 5am wanting to have some fun. She was honest so I was not mad about that. How could she control that anyway. She had me read all his texts and her responses. She's doing nothing wrong. At breakfast he was blowing up her phone. I asked her if I could text him back on her phone. I told him that it was me and she is no longer single. That was it. He sent her two more texts.

She has her Halloween costume all ready for this party we are going to. I do not. So we stopped at a few Halloween stores. I found my costume. She picked it out. I went to pay and my card came up declined. I live pay check to pay check. I work two jobs. I took this semester of college off. Just too stressed to concentrate. I just spent $500 on my yearly inspection of my car. It needed work. I have $9 in my account until Nov 5th.

I took her back home because my second job is on Saturdays. I work at 11 am. When i got to my job my boss was there to tell me he was closing. Now I'm out X amount of dollars a month. It helped. It was under the table pay. It was a cushy job with a really laid back owner. I knew this was coming but not this soon. I have been looking for another job. A better one to replace the two I have been working the last few years.

Right now I am just venting. Surfing the net. watching college football. I'm going to take a little nap in a bit. I red boxed two movies but they'll have to wait. Btw Bad Teacher was horrible but Bridesmaids was funny. Tonight we are going to my fire halls social club. I have a small stash of cash here. I will be getting shit faced. I will be doing Jagger bombs and whatever else I fancy. I will not be driving home. She lives two streets up. I am crashing at her place.

The breakfast and company was nice. That was some good bacon.

There is no God higher than truth

2011-10-13T11:44:00.002-04:00

Prayer tricks you into thinking your doing something about it. Prayer is a comfort thing like a child's teddy bear. It's psychological. It's a old jedi mind trick. Some days you will be f*cked and other days you find some luck. There is no destiny, karma or pre-conceived plan. We're all feathers in the wind and shit happens. Nothing is certain. Nothing is set in stone. We all leave this world the same way we found it. With uncertainty of what comes next. Quit drinking the kool aid and come back to reality. The world needs doers and free thinkers. Not sideline reporters and lectures.

There is no God higher than truth. There is no truth reality can't make sense of. Don't spend another day bogged down in a religion that makes you self deprecate. Don't feel guilty for being human. Don't apologize for your flaws. Don't worry if you are self righteous enough. Don't allow yourself to be judged for being human.

Stand up for what you believe. Just be honest. Make sure your mistakes are honest ones. If that's not good enough for others I say F*CK them and the horse they rode in on. No person, God or religion is worth the hassle. Who the f*ck are they anyway?

Honor the living; Not the dead

2011-10-06T01:59:00.012-04:00

We do too much honoring the dead and not enough honoring the living.

I'm saying we should treat the living like we do the dead. With respect and kind words. Every time someone dies you hear all these nice things but seldom do you hear it when they are living. Trust me I know a selective few needs to be put in their place when I say this. Apathy can hurt but it can make you see the error of your ways quicker.

When I die I do not want to be laid out for three days so people I have known can come together as some form of meet and greet of current and old friends or new acquaintances. There will be no free food or alcohol so people can act like they care. The day I die is the day I want buried. If you want to mourn pop in a Family Guy DVD or watch some nerdy thing on the history channel. I would have loved that.

Life goes on. There are still bills to pay. Children to feed. Life's struggles with still be eminent. Nothing will change except I am not here anymore. I'm not coming back. Memories will fade and eventually forgotten when it's your time. This blog is all that is left.

The way we should honor the dead is to honor the living by remembering how badly we may have treated the dead. To learn from our mistakes so we don't live with regrets on how we treated someone or allowed them to live when they were alive.

That would mean there would be no starving children in Africa. No homeless people in NYC. No raped women in Los Angeles. No elderly couples without health insurance. No September 11th. No civilian casualities. Everyone would have a friend and you are judged on your character first and foremost. So on and so forth down the line. We should not allow people to live in ways we would not want.

We spend too much time on shrines or monuments and exaggerated sentimental moments honoring the dead. It does nothing but soothe our psyches in the moment. It solves none of our problems. It does not stop us from degrading the living. It just gives us more of these wasteful moments to honor them after they're dead.

Long story sort of short part 2

2011-10-01T12:58:00.007-04:00

Long story short I met this girl through a set up blind date. We went out one night and by that weekend we were at the bar drinking it up with some mutual friends. We hit it off like we've known one another for years. We're one balloon of banter filled with sarcasm and wit. The club is close to where she lives so I walk her home. We're both drunk. She plants one on me at the door. On Monday she blew me off for a walk in the park. Wednesday we had that walk in the park. I got to know her more. The other night when I got home from work I got this email from her.

Ok I will try not to make this a waterfall email haha..but first I wanna say thanks I enjoyed our walk and our talk we had. You are really easy to talk to and I like that and if it shows or not I do like you and I really do wanna keep getting to know you. I don't wanna rush things at all and I wont but there is something about you that I really like and being round you I feel well happy to be blunt. You make me smile and laugh and I don't wanna scare you away or make you run off but I am going with the flow. I'm not going deny anything to you. Its ok if you don't feel the same about me. Talking to you is so easy and I cant wait to hang out with you Saturday nite again. I may be out of line saying this but I wanna just lay in bed with you one nite and just snuggle and watch a movie. We don't have to do anything else. I just so badly wanna cuddle with you for some reason, lol. Ok ok I made this a waterfall email haha sorry. Let me know when you wanna walk again. I am done emailing you hahaha hugs n kisses. Well have a good nite ttys

I have to be honest and say I don't know how to take this. She doesn't know where I work or even my middle name but she wants to cuddle and snuggle. This is strange for me. I am in a foreign land right now. I have to work twice as hard to be seen for me but even then things just don't work out like I want. I like to think that I'm the trustworthy guy friend most females tend to have. I don't even know if this is normal. I admit I'm a bit taken back but scared would not best describe me right now.

I got to know her more on our walk. We had been emailing back and forth before we met but that's from behind a computer. I did not know she was on anti-depressants. She told me when she goes off them she gets suicidal thoughts. I've been thinking long and hard about that if it's worth me worrying about it and worth even getting involved. I hope I'm not being picky because I am not. I'm not the type of person that can afford to be but I've never been the desperate type. Just extremely lonely.

She thinks I'm perfect. I am the farthest thing from. I got more flaws about myself than I can count. I can't shake this fatal attraction vibe. In the emails I get, the text, the posts on my facebook wall and in the 3 times we were ever physically together. She's been played by guys. That's one side of the story. She was with someone for a decade but broke up with them because she said he became to clingy. I don't know what to think about that. She's dated some guys after that.

The first time we went out she wanted to know why I was not upset when the night had to end at 9pm because she has to get up at 5am for work. The whole doorstep kiss and me not taken advantage of her drunken state has her in a foreign land I suppose. Why I was not mad at her for being drunk was another thing. Hey we've all been there. I opened the car door for her when we went to walk. These are all things she and I talked about on our walk. I think I'll be fighting the memory of past men.

She is nice but there are these things about her. The few I have mention and there is more. She likes to man bash in a joking way but I know it's much more serious. She comes off as a little controlling. I smoke, it's a new thing the last few months, and she's already trying to control that. I go to the gym and for some reason she is not a fan of it. She's been at the same job for years but is afraid to take that next big step. She never graduated high school. She's not attempting to better her life.

The shoe is on the other foot. I'm not usually in the drivers seat. I get the head cases and train wrecks. I have to be their therapist. I'm sick of that. I would love to date someone where the talk is not the past or future. Just the present with someone of like mind and general interests where I can introduce them to new things and they can do the same. I feel with her she wants a man to take care of her. But I am not the type of man that has a desire to cut her meat and tie her shoes strings.

Tonight we're meeting up again at this social club. I'm just going to go with the flow like she is. I have no expectations. Just having fun and to see where it goes hoping it's not what I think it is. I feel like I'm the safe guy. The safe date. The speed bump in the road to slow down all the jerks. I don't want to be a therapist as much as I don't want to be that guy because those things don't last. Trust me I know because I'm divorced. Come on. It's me. It's just not that easy for me. There is always a catch.

Get out of my face

2011-09-27T15:25:00.007-04:00

I'm tired of being hit with advertising and marketing strategies to get me to buy products everywhere I go. I'm sick of the telemarketers calling me and the product placements in movies. Truth be known I don't give a shit about your blackberry touch, Ipad, credit cards, smart car or anything else that is popular to shove down the public's throat. I'm not the target audience you seek. I don't need that much technology to survive or to own a smart car to feel good about myself. I have a trac phone, no credit cards and what the hell do I need a Ipad for? I like making life simple because it's never going to be easy.

I went to the movie theater the other day and had to sit through 10 minutes of ads. WTF is that? You really have to show me a paper towel commercial ? You really think I'm going to buy that Caravan? What's with the life insurance commercial? Then I have to sit through 5 previews of movies. By the time it's over half my popcorn is gone and I have to piss. I miss the beginning of the movie.

From walking down the street to simply sitting in your home the advertisement and marketing invaders are taking over your life. There needs to be a WW3 and it's not the one you are thinking about. What's next? Billboards in National parks? Advertisements on public toilet paper? The guy who hands you a towel to dry your hands will have labels all over his coat jacket? Nike High School? Victoria Secret all girls college? Are those next?

Just get out of my face

My Twenty-four hours in Purgatory

2011-09-27T14:29:00.004-04:00

My mother loves to read those religious books with tails of the afterlife. She can't get enough of that 23 minutes in hell or 7 minutes in heaven. Her entire book collection is geared toward that stuff. I don't help matters much by giving her books by Joel Osteen for her birthday and Christmas. I am an atheist (almost 2 years) but I believe in religious rights. As long as they don't try to enforce it on others. Let me know when a bible or koran thumping charlatans extend the same attitude towards us devil worshipping gluttons. The one thing that scares religious leaders is free thought and using that free will. If they can't have your obedience, they'll try to take your rights.

Those books are a joke. Complete fairytale. It's an extension of the Greek Mythology most religions are founded upon. Anyone can pen a book with such stories. It is not a matter of faith. It's a matter of profit. Religions scare people into throwing their money away. Thank GOD the Catholic Church had money to pay off all the people who were molested by their Priests. Thank ALLAH the Middle East has oil so young men can blow themselves up for all those virgins. Religions are a well organized cult with tax breaks. If I went to hell or heaven I would not try to profit from my story. I'd be at peace that heaven does exist or scared shitless to be greedy knowing hell is real.

Those books are a form of comics for adults. It gets your imagination flowing. I told my mother that I'm going to write a book called, "Twenty-four hours in Purgatory" and she'll never have to worry about working again.

Stupid facebook wall posts

2011-09-27T13:48:00.003-04:00

"1 in 7 midgets can't reach the handle to flush the toilet. What if that was you? Standing there at eye level with your poop staring back at you. Smelling the aroma of your inner bowel expulsions at it's peak odor. I know a lot of you will not re-post this. You don't have the guts. But we got to start thinking about the midgets before it's too late."

Can we stop these stupid wall posts on facebook? I know people have cancer. I know people abuse animals. I know there is a tick in the Sahara on a camels ass just dying for water. You now what there is not a god damn thing I can do about it. If I could I would. If I did I assure you I would not post it on facebook. Because I'd be out doing something about it.

We are all aware of this stuff because it's put on us everyday. Everybody has a cause they want to push. Everybody talks about it. Talkie talk talk talk talkie talk. Blah blah blah. Yadda yadda. As they are talking nothing is being done about it. If you really cared about it you would try to do something. I bet you feel really good when you post that stuff.

I'm dying for a friggen cigarette here

Ron Paul 2012

2011-09-26T14:55:00.007-04:00

I like Ron Paul. He brings a freshness to politics. I'm afraid he is not electable. The media has already chosen their favorites. John Stewart pointed that out very well. The guy says it how it is. He holds nothing back. The older I get the more I am beginning to believe in the Illuminati. I've been researching it. I am not %100 sure there is such a secret society. There is some outside forces that chooses the President of the United States. That's what I am beginning to believe. It's not about who has the most money anymore. John. F. Kennedy may have been the last American citizen elected President. He was killed. Lincolon was killed. Ronald Reagan was almost killed. I say if someone takes shots at a President he must be doing something right.

I'm disgusted with both parties. Completely disenfranchised by the whole process. I used to like Romney and Santorum. If this was four years ago I would have liked Rick Perry. I can't stand bleeding heart Liberals. I can't stomach rhino big business republicans. I always thought of myself as a conservative. I'm beginning to sway more Libertarian. Ron Paul was a Libertarian. I never knew what that was. A few years ago I was one of those mindless drones that allowed the media to feed me propaganda. I craved those Fox News Alerts. I can't stand CNN either. I loathe the establishment across the board. We keep on letting the %1 (the rich) of this country dictate to the other %99. They are not solving anything. It's getting worse.

I like Ron Paul's message of following our constitution, respecting the rule of law, abolishing the IRS by replacing it with a flat tax and more importantly keeping our nose out of other countries business with a foreign policy that does not interfere. Ron Paul is for free and fair trade. He likes the open market. He dislikes the federal government and loves the private sector. He likes competition. He thinks we should talk to our enemies like Reagan did with the Soviets. I love his stance on waging war without a declaration of war. I was for the Iraq war but reflecting back and now listening to his words it was stupid. Ron Paul believes the only threat to the United States of America is the people that run it. Not terrorists, Iran or Hugo Chavez.

I am starting to see what he means. I wish the rest of my countrymen would as well. Ron Paul should be the next President. Instead of these Manchurian candidates we've been getting. Ron Paul is the anti-New World Order presidential candidate.

You'll have to mute my music playlist.

Long story sort of short

2011-09-26T00:29:00.025-04:00

A friend set me up with this girl. I do not like blind dates. We went out last Wednesday. We interacted like we've known one another for years. We met up at a bar last night. Safe to say we hit it off. One thing lead to another and we're drinking everything. I'm buying her drinks including shots. I'm having a good time. She is having a good time. Before I know it she's rubbing my leg and hanging all over me. This is the second time I've been drunk this year.

I walk her home. She's drunk. I am drunk. I can walk better. She needs help but she's not totally trashed. She's apologizing the whole time. It was not that bad. I walk her to the door. She had a hard time putting her key in the lock. I opened it for her. Next thing I know she starts kissing me. The blood was flowing in certain places if you know what I am saying. It lasted a minute. I did not want to stop. Her lips tasted really sweet.

We started talking on facebook. She friend requested me. We know the same people but never crossed paths. That lead to commenting on one each others posts. We were poking one another back and forth for months playing that game who would quit first. Then it lead to emails. She emailed me. We got to know one another that way first. My friend emailed me prior telling me he's been trying to set me up with her for a awhile.

I never went inside. I let her go. I could have. I did not even get back to my car and she text me that she was sorry for kissing me because that could have lead to something else. I text her back saying I was not. I told her I know it could have but I also knew she was drunk. I told her it's no big deal. I told her her lips tasted sweet. Maybe I should have not. They should have not because of the alcohol. But that kiss was really good.

I was buying the shots and alcohol. We were having a good time before we got drunk but I was not going to be that guy to take advantage. She did not deserve that. I told her that. She was appreciative saying I was sweet and a real person. I don't know about that. If we did go inside, the next morning she would have thought I planned it. I was getting her drunk so she'd let her guard down so we could have sex. I'd think the same thing.

The biggest problem with my own gender is they rarely try to touch the woman where it would drive her the most crazy. That would be their heart. It's those types of guys that make it hard for me to find a normal one with no extra baggage from past bad relationships. She has issues with trust. Being attractively challenged does not help my cause. Those blockheads tend to be the ones lucky at love. Unlike me. It makes it harder for me than it is for other guys.

I have no clue where this is going. She told me she liked the kiss too. She felt bad because we are only friends. Plus it happened really quick. Alcohol played it's role. Being in that position I knew this is where people make their mistake. I'm not going to lie but the thought crossed my mind to take her inside. My conscious kicked in despite the urge. I'm still a guy no matter what. I just think we should use the head on our shoulders more often.

I've been in this position before. They are few and far between. I've been divorced for six years. I've been in no serious relationships since. She broke me. And all those situations I told myself the next time I was in it again that I was going to go for it. I cannot bring myself to these types of actions. I want to. Believe me that I do. I'm the weirdest guy in this world because I want it to be honest and to mean something.

Woman for the most part don't think of me in the romantic sense but I get along with them better than I do with my own gender. I tend to attract train wrecks. Being attractively challenged I do not have many options. Never been about confidence with me. It's about limitations. I will always be the frog. Never the prince. When someone is attracted to the frog, I end up being a therapist.

I went to Chicago for a class trip last April. But guess who was the only guy hanging with the prettiest girls in my class? We were allowed to split up and go our own separate ways. The three of us was sharing a Chicago deep dish pizza in their hotel room and both asked why was I single. I said for obvious reasons. That was it. I'm not going to go into my attractively challenged with women. That's unattractive in itself.

This girl has some issues (who doesn't? I do) but she does not seem to be a train wreck. Most of her issues are because of guys. There could be more I will learn. I'm hoping what she really needs is a nice guy because what I really need is a nice girl. We do seem very compatible being laid back goofballs with a serious side. She likes my stinky poetry. She likes to take walks. I invited her to a park I go to. She likes sports. We're going to go to the movies to see some horror flick. I have no expectations.